During my early days as a feminist, before I began delving into feminist literature and intersectional theory, a mantra that I commonly called upon was “girls support girls!” It is unknown where this catchy phrase originated, but it is one that is very popular and well-known, especially among young girls on social media.
The chant can be commonly found sprinkled throughout the comment sections of girls’ TikToks, especially if they are being otherwise bullied by fellow women in the comments for their dancing, their style or their looks. In this context, the phrase is beautiful and important— a way for girls to rally around each other and demand better from women who tear down other girls for the simple act of being happy, feminine, or just themselves.
But the other context in which “girls support girls” is often used is one that demands a bit more critical thought. I have noticed a significant trend regarding women— especially women of color and those on social media— who make fair and meaningful critiques of other content creators or celebrities, only to get absolutely torn apart by viewers for “not supporting other women.”
Sometimes, if critiques of fellow women become stereotypical or if women are sent hate for such petty things as their looks or interests, I think it is valid to demand better from women with platforms, to insist that they uplift girls and not publicly demean them for not conforming too heavily to our patriarchal society.
But just as often, these critiques that are seen as “anti-feminist” are just the opposite— they are demanding that the world see women as people, people who can be just as wrong-headed, problematic, and dangerous as men can be. Women, especially white women, have been responsible for a significant amount of harm and damage in the past, especially against people of color, and they should absolutely be held accountable for their actions. White women who wear dreadlocks or say slurs, women who knowingly cheat with another girl’s partner, women who are homophobic or promote purity culture— these women are culpable for their heinous actions and should not be coddled by other girls simply because they are women.
Again, women, as feminists demand the world acknowledge, are complex and messy people. Women can make mistakes. Women can be evil. Women can hurt other people, perhaps not as systemically or powerfully as men, but in ways that are cruel, heart-breaking, or life-ruining.
It is just and right to look a fellow woman in the eyes and tell her that no, we will not support her until she learns, apologizes and does better; that she is wrong and we will not patronize her or forgive her just because we share a gender. I think this is actually one of the most empowering things that girls can do in this world: treat women like humans and cry out to the streets that feminism is not feminism unless it is intersectional.
Instead, the mantra that I have become partial to recently is one that is quite similar, but has a fundamental difference: “girls protect girls.” I find this phrase to be far more universal and meaningful, as in any situation, no matter what harmful beliefs or cruel behaviors a woman has, we both know she is just as oppressed for her gender as I am.
In any situation where a woman is in danger from a man, if she’s being followed, far too drunk, or being abused, I will release my outrage at the wrong and help her to the best of my ability. In any situation where a woman is being constantly spoken over by boys, called gendered slurs (think “whore” and “slut”), or being paid less than a man, I also think it is imperative that we call that out and demand that she is respected.
Because I know that she could be me. I know that men often hurt or shame women for no reason other than their gender, and I know that she might be a problematic person, but she still needs my help and solidarity.
Women do not always need to support each other’s beliefs or decisions, but we do need to have each other’s backs. The world is a scary and treacherous place for girls, and we need to have a united front in that regard and work to protect each other—because boys won’t.
Girls can be bad people, but they are still girls in a society that subjugates them. Girls can make terrible decisions, but they are still in danger, still considered inferior, by the men who run the world.
So no, I will never, ever “support” everything a given woman does (especially if it is harmful to other oppressed identities). But I will always, always, always, protect my fellow girls from a world that often seeks to ruin them.
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