By Eliza Shaw
I am currently sitting at my desk watching the office as Michael picks up “Astird” for the first time. If you ever need a pick-me-up, a quick smile, or just a way to procrastinate, The Office is really the perfect show to watch. Moral of the story… The Office is an amazing show and these are some of the best quotes from it.
1. “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence, and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.” -Michael Scott
Fun fact… I use this quote in daily life.
We’ve all been there… you start to say something and it sounds so good. Everyone is looking at you with astonishment on their faces… they wish they could be you. And then it happens. It’s not your fault but the time has come… you’re out of words. You stand there hoping to get out of this situation but aren’t sure there is a way to do that. Just end it with a, “So… yeah,” and run as fast as you can. Listen, don’t feel bad because you’re not alone… if Michael Scott does it then clearly everyone does.
2. “Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.” –Michael Scott
We all have our flaws.
I mean of course I have NO flaws… as long as you don’t count overthinking, over-analyzing, procrastinating, and zoning out constantly as flaws. If it makes you feel any better, I can almost guarantee you that your flaws are not as bad as Michael’s (unless you’ve hit someone with your car in which case, never mind).
3. “I feel God in this Chili’s tonight.” – Pam Beesly
We all love some Chili’s.
I’m not an extremely religious person but I feel like anyone and everyone can relate to this quote. I personally have never been to a Chili’s but, damn, does Pam make me want to. I mean, I’m not sure if I will feel God in that Chili’s or not but either way I’ll get some good appetizers.
4. “Bros before hoes. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They’ve got your back after your hoe rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your hoe. And you told her she was the only hoe for you. And that she was better than all the other hoes in the world. And then, suddenly she is not your hoe no mo.” -Michael Scott
Hoes be cray… jk everyone is amazing.
Just a quick FYI… bros also rip your heart out and I’m not going to rant right now but, personally, I ALWAYS put my hoes BEFORE my bros.
5. “I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me. And since I don’t have a butler, I do it myself. So most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman Grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill, I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon.” –Michael Scott
Same Michael… Same.
It’s questionable whether or not burning your foot on a George Foreman grill is worth a nice breakfast in bed, and I fully expect a riveting debate. Personally, I believe in the saying, “No pain, no gain”, therefore the pain is definitely worth the delicious bacon in the morning.
6. “Just pretend like we’re talking until the cops leave.” – Creed Bratton
Creed is what I like to call an enigma.
I am a very innocent person. No run in with the cops EVER. However, sometimes when I see a police officer, I have a mini heart attack. So imagine being “Creed” and seeing one. I have one word for him… R-U-N.
7. “I am Beyonce, always.” -Michael Scott
I guess I’ll be Kelly Rowland then…
Just an FYI, I WANT to be Kelly because I feel like Beyonce is quite overrated. I know I’m gonna get some hate for this and I fully accept that, but Kelly Rowland is a queen and I love her. So, in conclusion, Michael can have Beyonce always because I WANT Kelly.
8. “I don’t talk trash, I talk smack. They’re totally different.” – Kelly Kapoor
Kelly… A true legend.
I know all of us reading this are good, civil people. However, you’d be lying if you said there wasn’t a little bit of “Kelly” in you. Sometimes we need to talk some smack (NOT trash) in order to keep calm and carry on.
9. “RYAN STARTED THE FIRE.” – Dwight Schrute
It was always burning,
Since the world’s been turning,
Ryan started the fire,
It was always burning,
Since the world’s been turning.
I have nothing else to say.
10.”Dwight, you ignorant slut!” – Michael Scott
Ok…. we DO NOT use the word slut. However, in this case, we make an exception.
Sometimes we all need to make a grand gesture to get our point across. One thing I will say is DO NOT jump off a roof onto a bouncy castle to prove that point. If a watermelon can’t survive it, then you definitely can’t.
11. “The worst thing about prison was the dementors.” – Michael Scott
Featuring: the bell of da ball.
Michael is a real badass. If you want to know about what prison is like, just go to Mr. Prison Mike and ask him about his experiences. I think we all know that Ryan would have been the bell of da ball but, would he have survived the dementors?
12. “Do you think doing alcohol is cool?” – Michael Scott
Yeah… you… you may be in college but alcohol is DEADLY.
I know that all of you reading this do not partake in drinking alcoholic beverages (unless you are 21+) but, if you were to do so while underage, I would tell you one thing: Listen to Mike. I mean if there’s one thing we learned from this post, it is that he is always right.
13. “I have very little patience for stupidity.” – Kevin Malone
Me too, Kevin.
Honestly, I feel like I should leave this as is. Go Kevin!
Ok, so I feel like this may have been my most intellectual post yet! I mean, it covers all the bases. It’s funny/entertaining, teaches us valuable lessons (for example, not drinking alcohol underage), and most importantly shows us that The Office is in fact the best show; and even though many think its overhyped, it is in fact perfectly hyped and deserves more viewers.
Soooo… with that being said, sit back, relax, turn on Netflix, and binge The Office (your stats homework can wait — Kevin, Kelly, Michael, Pam, Jim, Dwight, Meredith, Creed, Phyllis, Stanley, and Angela can not).
Want to keep up with HCBU? Make sure to like us on Facebook, follow us on Instagram, check out our Pinterest board, and read our latest Tweets!