Well, you were right. Are you happy?
You doubted the longevity of our friendship from its inception, and made a point to bring that up any chance you had. In the middle of laughing fits, on winding car rides to nowhere, during late nights out making memories that would nestle into our hearts forever, you always had to cut through giggles with the sharp edge of the looming future.
“Doesn’t it suck that we won’t be friends after high school?”
“I’ll really miss you guys next year.”
“We have to make the best of our time together while we’re still friends!”
What the heck does that even mean? If you were so invested in being my friend for over five years, why did that dynamic have to change now that we are a few states away?
Graduation, twirling in white dresses on a grassy hill, throwing up blue caps into the cool haze of sunset, and you cried. You cried because everything had to change. Because you were leaving your hometown and the safety of a bubble eighteen years in the making. Me? I was so happy to be moving up not on because I felt so deeply about my friends who had become family that no amount of miles could change it. By now, you had crawled out of my life in pursuit new friends, ones who didn’t know your quirky phobias, or go-to karaoke song, or favorite Girl Scout cookie flavor. Still, you insisted that we take a bajillion photos together, arm in arm, as if you weren’t the one who wanted to toss it away the second you left for school in two months.
College is not an excuse to throw away your “old self.” You are still the same person, just hopefully more mature, with harder classes and a higher alcohol tolerance.
College does not change people, it makes them more likely to speak truthfully, find the friends they always wished they had, and act like they want to. For some, that vast responsibility is crushing and the freedom is overwhelming and they make s****y choices from the start. I am not bitter; I know you needed this, needed it so deeply that you lit bridges before you were done crossing them.
I hope college is everything you wanted it to be. I hope you stop running from yourself. I hope you know you can call me at any time, any place.
Love,
Your once-best friend.