Dear shoppers,
My experience working as a sales associate is pretty great; that above-minimum-wage salary, 50% off employee discount, and co-workers that I call my friends have made my experience better than most entry-level jobs. Life is good. But I will admit there are those days when I want to say “f*** my paycheck” and walk out for good, and it’s all because of you.
Here’s one thing you should understand: regardless of what you’ve been told, the customer is not always right. Sometimes you are oh so very wrong and it is taking every fiber of my being not to rip up your expired coupon and sprinkle it all over your entitled, mom jean-wearing a**.
Ok so let’s start with that coupon. You know, the one you got in the last week of December for our end of season sale, clearly marked “Valid Jan.15 – 17”. Well it is April and while I am so terribly sorry that you will in fact have to pay ticket price for your already extremely discounted items, there is nothing I can do. I promise, there really isn’t. If I even try to scan your wrinkled-up, barely readable coupon into the register it will audibly laugh in my face. And are you really hassling be about that 10% off coupon you just pulled out of your Louis Vuitton bag?? I think you can spare the change. But fear not dear bargain shopper, that coupon can be exchanged for its dollar value, which is likely around one penny, and I will gladly tell you just where you can put it.
No, Gap, Old Navy and Banana Republic are not all the same store. I will not take their coupons and you may not return their items here. And don’t even get me started on the difference between retail and outlets. Retail education needs to be a thing.
I know this item isn’t marked down. I can clearly see the disfigured orange sticker that you have so sneakily removed from another item and sloppily stuck onto this one. You may one day pull a fast one on your local Nordstrom and walk away with hundreds of dollars of clothes for a steal, but today you will be paying full price for these jeans. Sorry not sorry.
No, I will not watch your child while you shop. “Babysitter” is not in my job description.
I have to ask you for your email, zip code, and if you’d like to open a store credit card, as is standard procedure at just about every store you will be visiting today. You reserve the right to politely refuse all requests, however, you do not reserve the right to command that I “save the speech”, or then offer to also give me your social security number, zodiac sign and blood type. Your sass is not appreciated. Next customer, please.
I watched enough Dora the Explorer in my day, so if you insist on keeping your kids distracted by introducing them to the Netflix app at the age of three, they can learn about headphones too.
What a lovely bathing suit, such a bummer it didn’t end up fitting. I would have gladly exchanged it for full price if you had returned it within three months of purchasing, per our standard policy, but alas it is now February and you will be receiving the minimal current selling price. You’re not happy about that? You want to talk to my manager? Well sure, why don’t I have her come all the way up to the registers from her office so that she can repeat for you, verbatim, what I just said. And no, yelling at me for things beyond my control will not help your case, but it will cause me to lose faith in humanity a bit more each day.
But I did mean it when I said I love my job. I genuinely enjoy helping people who politely approach me with a logical request and offer their sincere gratitude when I drop what I am doing to help them. To shoppers who refrain from dumping piles of clothes on displays and leaving massive piles on the fitting room floor, you are the real MVP’s. Keep up the good work. And to the rest of you, well I just hope you get the privilege of being an entry level retail sales associate sometime in your life.
Sincerely,
Every Retail Worker
** This article represents the opinions of one member, not Her Campus Bryant or Bryant University as a whole. **