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A Letter to my Recently Widowed Mom

Dear Mom,

First things first, I definitely do not tell you as much as I should, but I love you with my whole heart. You have come through for me when I needed you most every time since the accident, which is something I will never forget. We need each other now more than ever, so I promise to always be there when you need me as well. Though he was taken from both of our lives way too soon, we still have each other.

We always said to each other, thank goodness we have Dad. You and I seemed to butt heads about almost anything. While you tend to listen to your heart, I am driven by my head. Dad lived by such an even balance of both that any minor dispute we had could easily be sorted out with his reasoning. Even arguments that didn’t make any sense could be sorted out with Dad’s help. Starting when I was a pre-teen, our relationship changed and became very strained. I was a complete brat and, with good reason, you were not having it. Being my parent, especially my Mom, was never going to be an easy role. I have never had siblings, and my princess only-child nature absolutely showed when I was younger. When it came to getting my way, Dad liked to play good cop, and if you did not agree, you were forced to play bad cop.

This letter isn’t about Dad, however, it’s about you. Though I may make you feel like bad cop sometimes, I will always remember the instances where you have been a super hero. While Dad may not have understood the need for “mental health days” all through middle and high school, you always did. The problems I always felt I could talk to you about were never challenged or judged by you, but rather accepted. You’ve never tried to make into something I’m not, and I’ve never learned so much about self-love and appreciation from anyone else. You are an amazing person with a huge heart who gives so much to other people. Though I sometimes think you are being unreasonable, I know that you will always have my back.

It has been three long months since the accident and though we may both be struggling, you have been great about taking care of everything. I know doing Dad’s share around the house is a full-time job in itself, but the fact that you are doing it in addition to running your own business is incredible. You’ve learned, through the help of devoted friends and patient financial advisors, how to pay all the different bills, organize all of our finances, manage every account, and so much more. If anyone can do it, you can. But you also know yourself and your needs and pay attention to them, something a lot of people struggle with. You know when it’s time to take a step back and rest, watch some General Hospital and drink some wine. You have never neglected your health, still taking the dogs on frequent walks and playing as much tennis as you can fit in your busy schedule (but you’ve never needed prodding to be more social, to be fair). If I need you to come see me, I know you would find a way here, like you did in February when you booked a night at a hotel down the street from school so we could just talk and spend quality time together. Thanks for being such a cool mom, seriously, you’re probably one of the coolest in mom history.  

So, here’s to you. I know how busy you are, but you also know how busy I am. I promise to always make time for you like I know you’d do for me, and also to maybe take a step back and breathe when our conversations start to turn into arguments. Like you and Dad did, we need to let each other do what we need to do in order to be happy (within reason). We need to have calm interactions, something that is not easy for two very different people. We may not realize it, but we are probably more alike than we seem. I’m looking forward to a summer filled with lots of love, good times, and positive experiences with you and everyone else that has adopted us as family over the past three months.

So Happy Mother’s Day, Mama! I am so grateful that I have you to celebrate it with. Love you forever.

Your Loving Daughter 

Ana Deacon

Bryant '18

*Insert lyrics to "All Star" by Smash Mouth* Bryant University Class of 2019
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