A few months ago I learned my best friend was not a good best friend, and things needed to change for the better. It seemed to be that I was putting in all the effort into our friendship. Whether it was to watch a movie, grab a bit to eat, or even in a conversation, I was always the one who initiated interest. One day, it all went wrong. We were in a rough patch for a little while, as all friends have silly fights and forgive and forget, but not in this case. I couldn’t tell you what this fight was about, but whatever it was, we didn’t talk to each other for an entire week. Living in the same suite, it was obvious we were avoiding one another. One day I just couldn’t take it anymore and told her I wanted to sit down and talk about how to resolve the situation and fix our friendship. We talked for an hour and in that hour I learned more about her than the three years we’ve been friends. These things were not positive traits, and long story short, it was all my fault and she was the victim….Wait what?????? What were we evening fighting about, and how can a fight be one sided????? Maybe this was her way of unfriending me, I’m not sure. My heart broke after we talked, things were said on both sides, that were hurtful, but it was a fight so no one meant those harsh words. Doesn’t matter but the fact is those harsh words were said, which didn’t help our current situation.
One month went by, and things were still in bad shape. I tried to talk to her and apologize several times, but it was never good enough, she needed more time because she was so hurt. I understand where she was coming from, but at the same time I was hurt too, yet I never received an apology. After not talking to my BFF all semester, I went through three important stages that may seem obvious, but when you go through unfriending a BFF, it’s kind of like a break up, and it’s hard to think straight.
1. Learn to be independent
Over the course of this semester, I ate alone…a lot. I always used to eat with a friend, so I struggled at accepting this is how it is going to be from now on. At first it was really hard, time and time again eating alone, while watching everyone else laughing and having a good time with their friends at lunch. Yes, I had other friends, however we had opposite class schedules so we could never eat at the same time. I used to eat with my BFF every day, and now I’m alone. Things didn’t look like they were going to change anytime soon, so I need to make the most of it. This was the first step I took to get out of my sorrow drought. I began bringing my books to the dining hall and ate while I worked. Wow was I productive. Sometimes I would run into a friend squeezing lunch in the ten-minute transition period before their next class, and they would stop over at my table just for five, six minutes. Those few minutes of someone who cares stopping to say hi, lifted my sprit up. I learned no one cares if you’re eating alone, so I began doing many things by myself. I tried new things, learned more about myself, and broke bad habits I once had. I became a better, and stronger version of myself.
2. Make new friends
Being independent, I became more confident. I started to talk more in my classes, and started to talk to those sitting next to me in class. One day I was asked to grab lunch with a few girls in my marketing class, and now we hangout outside of class. I sat next to these girls for most of the semester without talking to them, as I did not know them. Once we begun to talk, I realized we had a lot in common, and a new friendship was born. I played sports in high school, but my no means am division one athlete material. If you put yourself out there and just be yourself, you’ll find others that share the same interests and form new friendships.
3. Knowing you deserve better
This was the hardest step I went through. I didn’t want to let go of our three-year friendship. I kept thinking we never had a problem before, so we can make it through this one. The biggest factor in this situation is time. I went though many phases, from crying, to not knowing what to think, and thinking if I could go back in time I could change the outcome. Throughout this process, there was one thing that was consciously in the back of my mind, I deserved better. Friendship is not a one-way deal, both sides must contribute to make a happy and successful relationship last. If you are putting in all the effort, or being held to a higher standard than your other friends, talk a step back and think, do these people respect me as a true friend?
Our memories will always be with me, and I do not think our time together was watsted, but now it is time for me to move on. So thank you ex BFF, you’ve made me get out of my comfort zone and grow to be a happier me.