The Return of The Ratty

Welcome back to school, my fellow Bears! I hope you are all as excited as I am for this upcoming semester—let’s all have a successful and happy year full of progress and… LOTS OF RATTY FOOD! That’s right, bitches. The Ratty is back and better than ever.

Over the summer, just as students have grown and prospered, The Ratty has made some key changes as well. Our beloved dining hall has added lots of new and improved foods, like a breakfast quinoa salad and a fruit selection that includes *drools* grilled peaches. How fancy! I want to thank the Ratty for providing us with so much fruit- I get an orange almost everyday with my breakfast, eating it in class later. The Ratty has also begun to offer fruit-infused water: quite an upgrade. I am talking pineapples, cucumber, strawberries. Our college mess hall is providing us with the fruit-infused water that boujee, five-star hotels give their guests. Goals.

The Ratty has also made some noticeable structural alterations, moving the coffee to the front—helpful for when you are running late to class and need some caffeine so you don’t doze off during your Principles of Econ class. The Ratty is evidently working towards its third Michelin star.

I have been seeing a surge of first-years at the Ratty, and I must say that I feel a sense of pride in my culinary lover, for being so popular amongst the young ones. I hope that all the freshmen are experiencing the sense of beauty, love, and culture that the Ratty instills in us all. I am ecstatic that I live even closer to the Ratty than I did last year. To be completely honest, I spend a lot of time in my friend’s room in Sears because it is a mere 10-foot walk from the Ratty and I can simply peer out the window to gaze upon it and all of its glory.

Now that I have stated all the joyous experiences the Ratty has brought back since returning to school, it is time to talk about something very serious. I have noticed on The Brown Dank Stash of Memes for Unproductive Teens that some new freshman students are calling the Ratty “The Rodent.” I just want to start out by saying, THIS IS NOT OKAY! Any freshman who is trying to propel this new name for The Sharpe Refectory needs to stop this now. The Ratty is The Ratty.

It is very exciting to be back at school, and to see all of the Ratty staff again! Their smiling faces each day remind me how lucky we are to be here at Brown and get to attend The Ratty as much as our hearts desire.

I wish you all success and happiness this school year! Everyone go to The Ratty, grab some rice, sit down, have a good time, and get ready for the winter.