Funniest Things Guys in College Have Ever Said: Part Three!


When I was asked to make a part 2 of Funniest Things Guys in College Have Ever Said, I didn’t expect to collect enough weird quotes for an entirely new article. However, I’ve since learned that at least one girl falls victim to these conversations every minute. I’ve heard countless stories since I started this series, but to complete the trilogy of Funniest Things Guys in College Have Ever Said, I’ll only include my absolute favorites. Shout out to all you guys who have made these articles super easy to write; keep doing you!


  • “Sometimes I have uncircumcision envy and I wish I could feel that little foreskin again”

  • “Your skin is so soft. Do you bathe in milk?”

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  • “The clit is the Osama bin Laden of body parts; it can never be found”

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  • “Put my hair up in a spike like Jimmy Neutron”

  • *growls* “That’s how [insert third person reference] does it”

  • “When we get married, let’s live in a hobbit house”

  • “I don’t know when, but sometime in the next three years I’m gonna mow you down so hard”

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  • “Can I use the potty?”

  • “Is it weird if I ask you to wear cowboy boots and nothing else tonight?”

  • “I started liking her, so I stopped talking to her”

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  • “I was planning on going to a different school”

“Oh really? Why’d you decide to go here”

“You know what, that’s actually a really personal question and you should have let me know you wanted to talk before we got naked... I think you should leave.”

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  • “I can’t kiss you. It just feels like I’m kissing your brother”

  • “I’ve always known I was hot”

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  • “Let me see your swollen pussy”

  • “You would be lucky to get with me and you know it”

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  • “I’m so fucking sick of jacking off by myself”

  • “I go to your work everyday to watch you work...  What, no, how is that stalking?”

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  • “Your body is like a toy it’s just so fun for me to play with”

  • “I don’t want you to fall in love with me”

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  • “No, they’re formal cowboy boots, you can wear them anywhere”

  • “Are those boobs real? Can I touch them?”

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  • “Stop calling me daddy in inappropriate places”

  • *Gets naked and starts doing yoga*

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  • “I would be so rich if I didn’t do drugs”

  • “We could have fast and dirty sex if we listen to dance music”

  • “Look you made my little guy all excited”

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