Things break, and then things shatter. Some things shatter beyond repair, and no amount of glue can fix it. A glass cup is no longer a glass cup when it’s a million pieces, and even if you spend hours upon hours painstakingly attempting to repair it with your hot glue gun, when you try to drink from it, you will cut your lip. Sometimes things that break are meant for the rubbish heap. It doesn’t matter if it was your favourite mug with the spice girls painted across it or the plate your niece made you; some things are doomed for the bin. It doesn’t even matter if you thought it was a relationship that would never end; things break, things shatter, and they need to be discarded.
There are enough articles on the internet to explain the stages of grief. There are enough articles out there to tell you the story of how someone went through the worst breakup you could ever imagine and then created the best life they could ever think of for themselves. That is not this article. This article is to describe the pain, this article is to examine the pain and so that once you’ve finished reading, your pain won’t feel as isolating as before.
The physical pain of a breakup is a shock. The dull ache that extends for days and puts you off your food. You’ve heard hundred of breakup songs in your life, and you realise none of them ever prepared you for this. None of them ever properly described the way you are feeling. The random outbursts of crying, the exhaustion, the explosions of annoyance. Heartbreak is not the tragic music that creates ‘Rolling in the Deep’ or ‘Go Your Own Way.’ It is a monster that seems to stunt everything and dull anything.
The worst aspect of heartbreak is that it isn’t easily fixable. There is no 10-step guide on how to make it through the other side- despite what WikiHow may try and tell you. You know deep down that this pain won’t last forever, that one day you’ll be okay again.
But heartbreak is not a cold, and there is no medicine to speed the process. The only thing for it is time, and when the time feels frozen around you, it is one of the most frustrating feelings in the world. Early nights don’t help; sleep doesn’t come naturally, and no matter how late you sleep, the day still feels too long. So, what is there to do?
You need to learn to not roll your eyes at stereotypes. A hot chocolate and a movie won’t make everything okay, but it may make the next hour and a half more manageable. Work at making small gaps of time more bearable until they get bigger and bigger. You will cry, and you will be sad, but eventually, the sad moments will happen less and less until they stop.
The most beautiful thing about a breakup is that even when you feel the most unloved, the people around you will show you how loved you really are. Breakups are when friends and family show up the most, and now you have more time for them too. Partners come and go, but that love, that love is forever.
One day something will click in your brain, and you’ll realise you don’t love that person anymore. It may seem scary, but it is a freeing feeling. You may see them in a completely different light, you may come to dislike that person, or you may come to feel indifferent. However you feel, it will make you feel lighter. Love is a drug. Right now, you are suffering from withdrawal symptoms, so don’t be too hard on yourself. But also remember, addictions can be overcome even when it’s an addiction to someone who used to love you back.
Start a long project, something you know will take you ages. Make a really big blanket or write a novel. Do something for yourself that you can see and hold when you’ve completed it. Start something now and find solace in the fact that when you’re done with it, you will be in a better place, and you will have survived your heartbreak. So, put your glue gun away and try to stop focusing on things that are broken and think about what things are just beginning.
All if all else fails, scream some Taylor Swift in the shower. It helps, believe me.