Five reasons it might be time to walk away, and one suggestion as to how to do it:
- Checking in –
It isn’t hard to check in with your friends, to send a heartfelt message to those who are struggling, let them know that you’re there for them and thinking of them. Whether it’s noticing when people aren’t at their best, or following up after any life event, checking in is its own display of proving you care.
If you’re questioning the strength of your friendship, ask yourself when was the last time they checked in with you and equally as important, when you checked in with them? It’s vital if you find yourself disappointed with a friend, that you view your relationship from both sides. Everything you wish they were doing; you have to ensure that you are doing too.
If a friendship is one-sided, it’s a strong pointer to walk away.
- Showing up –
I personally think what separates solid friendships with those that will fade naturally is the act of showing up. Whether distracting someone from their worries or helping to unpack thier issues, being there for someone is the exemplification of a strong friendship. If this is something that you practice, it can become even more hurtful when people fail to do the same in return.
This may be your most important sign that a friendship is coming to a close. When friends stop showing up for you, in your time of need, on a consistent basis, you need to question why. Whilst its important to remember everyone is dealing with their own problems and that may prevent someone from showing up; distinguishing between those who can’t and those who make the conscious and active decision not to, is particularly crucial.
The easiest way to evaluate this is, do you know you can rely on them when you need to?
- Communication –
Do you notice that your friend always wants to see you but is terrible at confirming dates and times, or that they want to facetime but are somehow always radio-silent on the day of the agreed call? It’s these smaller but significant elements that you need to talk about as they arise.
Communication is essential to healthy relationships, but it’s crucial not to be accusatory; communication isn’t about telling them they’re not being a good friend, it’s about discussing how to further your friendship. These conversations may also indicate things you’re doing at the detriment of the relationship.
The willingness to have the conversation without becoming defensive or creating an argument, is a signal that they’re willing to work on your friendship and that maybe you shouldn’t let go just yet.
- Tiring –
Socialising can be exhausting, particularly when you’re already stressed, sleep-deprived, or just generally feeling a bit low. However, your energy around specific people may also be an indication of whether it’s time to walk away.
Does someone who once provided you with a serotonin boost, now leave you feeling drained? And once this has continued for some time, have you grown altogether undesiring of seeing them? One of the biggest signals that it’s time to let go is the physical and mental reaction you have to spending time with them; being with a friend shouldn’t be tiring or taxing. If you are no longer enjoying the presence of somebody, it’s the most obvious sign not to.
- Obligations –
It may be months away, but I am already thinking about the ways in which I want to celebrate my 21st, this includes an accumulation of a guest list. Birthdays are the perfect time to think about your nearest and dearest, who you want to surround yourself with on a day of celebration. What often arises as you ponder who will receive an invitation is the difference between those who you want there, and those who you feel obliged to invite. It can be difficult with friendship groups, the intention is never to leave anyone feeling neglected or upset; however, it is ultimatley a perfect time for evaluation as to who are truly your closest friends.
This is a reminder that you are not obliged to be friends with anyone, regardless of how long you have known them.
- Walking away –
If you make the decision to let go of a friend its understandably going to be upsetting, but as you go through the process my main advice would be to attempt to avoid inflicting any of that pain onto your friend. There’s no need to cut them off entirely, block them and refuse to ever hear from them again, not unless you feel that’s absolutley necessary (but then I’d argue your friendship is probably really quite toxic). My advice would just be to stop trying, stop being the one who suggest plans, stop checking in and stop including them in your decisions. Do what’s natural, stop resisting and just allow it to happen.
Friendships evolve just as people do. Letting go now doesn’t mean you’ll never be close again; it just means removing all expectations and dependencies. I can honestly say that people will surprise you, and that you can never predict who will show up exactly when you need them.