Picture the scene. Moving day is in approximately two weeks, most of my belongings have started to be packed into boxes, the sting of goodbyes to life long friends is at it’s most painful and I’m just about ready to leave home. Then I find out…he is going to be at University with me. An old ‘dalliance’ will be walking the same streets, seeing the same sights… and I’d had no idea he’d even applied. You can imagine what I thought. It was mostly swearing.
Not only was I going to be a standard fresher, worried about making friends, not being the cool enough, and trying not to be a total weirdo – I’d also be unimaginably anxious about seeing him!
But why should you worry, I hear you ask. You’re not on the same course! You’re not in same halls! Bristol’s so big, you won’t run into him! That’s just what I thought, so imagine my horror when I spotted him across a crowded club half way through Freshers’ Week! It was, quite literally, a sobering experience.
Starting university is hard enough. You don’t know anyone, and you feel all alone. Now trust me when I say that having Somebody That You Used To Know lurking on your peripherary is so much worse. You have to fight the urge to reminisce about the Good Old Days, and spend your days teetering on the edge of truly cringy behaviour. But it happens. You drunk text him about a late night hookup (and then get rejected), you ask friends from home how he’s doing, and you start stalking what society’s he’s joined and even go (because you definitely think “Quidditch is an actual sport”) in the hope you’ll just catch a glimpse of him.
It’s creepy. It’s embarrassing. You sort of hate yourself.
Luckily, it only lasts a week or two.
It’s now second term and I like to think that I am a far cry from that Fresher who lived with a feeling of impending doom. I have only seen him twice, and though both encounters were hilariously awkward and those eyes that once gazed at me with a Look of Love are now totally indifferent, I have realised that he made an ultimately unimportant contribution to my life. I’ve learnt not to live looking over my shoulder or worrying I’ll bump into him. There are plenty of other things to worry about at University. Worry about work, worry about what you’re gonna wear to Thekla, worry about what you’re gonna do when you get logged out of your Netflix account. The most uninteresting parts of your life become interesting. When you see your ex you give them the awkward nod or wave, you’ll still feel great because you’ll be walking to meet a new friend, to go on a date or go to an interesting lecture.
Relish in your new life at University, and throw away the Quidditch Jersey because the broom burns hurt, and he’s not worth it.