Do girls wank? Gosh no, that would be far from ladylike.
Since reading about our sex blogger’s quest to come, I’ve been thinking about female sexual pleasure. Though it wouldn’t be the first time it’s been on my mind – after all, I am female and I do have sex sometimes.
Laura Bates recent column, “Why women need to shout about sexual pleasure,” sings the praises of women taking to blogs and sharing their sexual experiences. Whilst she notes that “the idea of women enjoying, demanding and taking the lead in sex is hardly a revolutionary concept in 2015,” she also ventures that we still live in “a world in which women are expected to perform sexually but not necessarily to make their own demands.”
There remains a taboo that prevents girls from shouting about their need for a massive orgasm, please – apparently this will cause one too many blushes in decent company. One that can slow us down on our road to orgasmic discovery. The fact is that sex has to be selfish in part. Yes, consensual sex is the shared enjoyment of two partners but whilst you are giving your partner the ride of his or her life you should be relishing every minute of it (selfishly).
It seems to me that taking control of one’s sexual pleasure starts with the frank discussion of masturbation. The lady wank is one of teenage-girl-life’s great mysteries. Wank jokes remain a classic fall back in comedic triumphs such as ‘The Inbetweeners’ and ‘American Pie’, but it’s only the boys we see tossing one off. Type “wank” into Google and even their dictionary will tell you it’s a typically male activity.
Only over the past year (coinciding with the occurrence of ’50 Shades of Grey’ and its consequent Ann Summers sex toy parties) has wanking begun to reveal itself as commonplace amongst my friends. Unpacking our belongings at the start of the year, we examined one lucky housemate’s recent gift from her boyfriend, a rose gold bullet; this triggered a cost-benefit analysis rated against showerheads or the simple hand, revealing that in fact we were all wankers.
To have reached 21 and only just be discovering the extent to which my friends love themselves is odd. The fact that I have spent a long, drunken walk home educating one of them on the ins and outs of flicking the bean is also odd – though not unusual behaviour on my part.
We need to start talking about wanking. The truth is, everybody does it. Ok, so “wank” is a fairly horrible way to describe it – rubbing one off, fingering and diddling the skittle also being horrendous. But an understanding of what you do and don’t enjoy downstairs is key to understanding your own sexuality. Love your bean first, and then love will come to your bean.
P.S.
On the subject of love, we ventured down to The Watershed for ‘Blue is The Warmest Colour’ as part of their LOVE is Like… Late Nights series this October. The 11pm screening was preceded with an immersive art installation – featuring a large sheet of paper, blue paint, some atmospheric lighting and the instruction to paint our favourite body part. I went for boobs and bum to cover all bases. With ‘Her’ and ‘Let the Right One In’ still to come over the next couple of weeks, respectively boasting a silent disco and the opportunity to navigate a soundscape, this is Friday night date night with a difference.
– Ella XO
Photo credit: www.annsummers.com