So, you’ve decided to take the plunge in the world of dating (again?). Good for you!
For me, it was the constant haggling at every family meet-up, “Have you got a partner yet? Have you met anyone?”. There are only so many times when you can use the “I’m too busy with university to be worrying about that” to push back the somewhat calculated advancement from your family – that being said, it’s usually the grandparents.
But, once you realise that you want to be in control of your dating life; to become the chooser instead of the chosen, you’ve already done the hard part! But the process of exposing, marketing, introducing, and selling yourself to a pool of potential suitors is nonetheless daunting.
So, here are 5 ways you can go into dating feeling your most confident, to ensure you secure that second date. Remember, confidence is sexy ;)
- ESTABLISH A PRE-DATE RITUAL
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The nerves that arise from a pending date is the pressure we put on ourselves to make a good impression, but to also look our best. It can be exhausting.
However, like going out and partying, getting ready is arguably one of the best and most important parts. Whether that includes a short meditation followed by a few affirmations, a 60-minute everything shower, or some simple exercise; it helps shape a good mindset before going on a date.
Make sure your ritual is something you enjoy. Blasting your favourite music can be a way to keep the good vibes going and release any anxiety or tension you may have. Hanging out with your friends can make you feel hyped, appreciated, and beautiful! Your ritual should help you feel grounded, relaxed, and of course confident.
I recommend exploring potential rituals before you go on any dates to determine what’s a good fit for you – it also gives you another reason to go out and party.
- SET BOUNDARIES AND AIMS
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Whether you are returning to the dating scene from a previous break-up or dipping your toe into it for the first time, I have yet to meet anyone who has mastered the art, practice, game(?) of dating.
It is a complex world filled with all types of individuals with their own intentions. Some are easier to spot than others, but some leave you wondering until you’re 10 dates deep and by then it seems too late. So go in knowing what you’re looking for – or not looking for. Don’t just settle and go with the flow because they tick a few boxes – you’re selling yourself short – instead, establish your clear no-no’s and soon you will realise the dating pool in which you’re interested, is not as big as it seems and will become a lot less daunting.
- TALK WITH CLOSE ONES AND BE SAFE
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The prospect of essentially meeting up with a stranger is terrifying. Let alone meeting under the pretence of them being a potential sexual partner.
With this in mind, it’s very easy to feel vulnerable and panicky. So, communicate with your close ones where you’re going, who you are going with, and what you are doing. If you have yet to meet this person in real life, go somewhere public and populated.
You can’t be confident if you’re not confident in your safety. So (women specifically) share your location and – if you can – provide updates throughout the date timeline, obviously not in front of your date, that could be disastrous.
- GO EASY ON YOURSELF
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Dating undeniably has an element of luck. From the unorthodox science behind having a bad hair day to the main judgement of wondering if you’re even compatible.
Going into dating with the mindset that not every single date is going to be perfect and that you (and the other person) may not be on your A-game will help ensure you keep things real.
You are going to fall over, spill a few drinks, or maybe have something get stuck in between your teeth, but this is a two-way street. You have the power to make the final judgement just as much as your date, so remember to go easy on yourself. Sh*t happens.
As long as you stay present, smile (if there’s nothing in your teeth), keep eye contact, and listen actively your confidence will translate to comfort for your date, giving you the best opportunity to enjoy their company and perhaps see if a second date is in the question.
- LEARN FROM EACH DATE
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Dating is kind of like a sport. You get better with practice. This is not to say you can ‘master’ dating, but sometimes to have confidence, you need to face rejection. Not everyone is going to like you.
But viewing dating as a learning curve gives you the confidence that regardless of the outcome, you will gain something from it – even a fun little story.
You learn so much about yourself when placed in a 1:1 intimate setting with a stranger where they are essentially assessing everything about you – not to sound dramatic. You quickly learn what you like, what you dislike, what you want to feel like and what you don’t want to feel like. Knowing all of this will give you the confidence you need to make sure you get the very best out of dating.
Remember, confidence is sexy ;)
