In a recent conversation with a friend she expressed her frustrations at dating culture today. She spoke about how her grandma views dating as starting from ordinary everyday acts, such as going to the library.
The older generation seems to be instilled with a romantic belief in synchronicity: that simple acts such as accidentally bumping into somebody will begin a chain of events and reactions, subsequently leading to partnership.
In today’s contemporary society however, it seems that advancements in technology and the rise of social media have moved dating culture away from spontaneous organic connections built upon real-life physical interactions. Dating seems to have moved online.
So then, the commodification of dating, what does this mean? Let’s break it down.
Capitalist interest have evolved society in ways which seem to affect the ways in which we form connections. Our relationships have become so intertwined with capitalism and technology that we have become a part of the product.
Through creating profiles on dating apps, we market ourselves and our identities as a brand, also consuming this information ourselves in browsing for potential partners online.
Dating apps function to allow users to create commodified versions of themselves, letting people market idealised versions of themselves. This sort of capitalistic approach to dating can negatively affect ones self-esteem, especially in how value is placed upon the number of matches, likes or roses one might receive.
If dating apps reflect somebody’s identity, then a lack of connections may leave people feeling that dating is transactional and unfulfilling. If dating is prioritised as a source of validation over a place to form connections, then dating can begin to feel devoid of meaning.
When there is such a plethora of choice and a constant influx of profiles waiting to be consumed and collected in the swipe of a finger, can dating still be considered organic?
Online dating is informed by a foundation of consumerism, meaning dating in today’s technological world creates a field of emotional detachment. We might begin to ask questions like: is it natural to be forming connections with five people at once? Does an expansive nature of choice remove our ability to create connections when everything becomes so convoluted? Is it possible to have the time and capacity to date multiple people at once and remain equally invested in everyone?
Dating apps let users create collections of likes and profiles, encouraging a network of disconnection and alienation from the person behind the profile.
How do dating apps attract users then?
Dating app success stories are often advertised in mainstream media, which makes dating and partnerships seem like accolades and forms of gratification. This only embeds a further sense of inadequacy for those who fail to find connections and end up blaming themselves for failing to find a connection.
In today’s society, we are already faced with having to navigate definitions of who we are and who we want to be. Dating apps act as an extension of the presentation of oneself, or rather, who you are for a certain time. Users base the foundation of attraction on a false image, not truly reflecting the person behind the screen.
So, what does it mean to have a ‘good’ hinge profile?
Does it mean you are good at marketing yourself, good at attracting others, or good at manipulating the app? Is a bad profile more desirable because users are not desperately trying to be liked, upholding the suggestion that “they’re more attractive in real life?” These are questions that we might begin to ask in a failure to find a connection on these apps.
There is a paradox created in the idea of a perfect dating profile as consumers may question the authenticity of such profiles, instead being drawn to imperfect profiles in a quest for authenticity.
Dating exists on different linear and temporal scales for different people. Ghosting is a common occurrence within the impersonal nature of online dating. To be ‘ghosted’ by somebody is not always personal, but it can be hurtful and damaging to people when wanting to put themselves out into the dating world.
Is dating in real life better than the apps then?
Real life contact embraces authenticity, vulnerability and awkwardness. People can never be exactly who they present themselves to be online, which can result in disappointment when you build up an idea of this person only to meet and realise that your humour doesn’t align or there is no sexual chemistry between you.
Perhaps though, the process of dating just isn’t perfect. Dating is often a case of trial and error. In today’s world we are often just introduced to an online version of a person before meeting them in real life.
Communication has moved onto online landscapes and continues to be developing with technology, becoming more dominant in society.
Dating out of convenience seems to be favoured in today’s digital landscape. We live in a consumerist society which constantly desires the next best thing, reinforcing my point that dating and humans have become part of the product.