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The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Brighton chapter.

Valentines is approaching and you be may feeling like it’s a perfect time to bring up kink talk to your partner. Equally, you may be unaware if you have any kinks yourself but your partner has hinted they do so you are wanting to learn more. This is going to go into some fairly common kinks and most importantly how to bring them up to your partner in a natural comfortable way.

the DO’s and don’ts of exploring kinks

Exploring kinks with your partner brings many benefits that aren’t just explicit to your sex life. Yes it can help climate boredom and make sex more exciting but it alternatively can help increase trust in a relationship which strengthens your intimacy and understanding of each other. Similarly, exploring your own kinks can improve your mental health and assist you in becoming more confident and comfortable in your own skin!

Before initiating the kink talk, ensure that you and your partner have a good foundation in communication before bringing up your desired kink fantasies. This can help provide your partner and yourself a mental picture of said kink before embarking on them.

Allow your partner the space for if they wish to try the kink with you, equally don’t be self-centered if they come to the conclusion they don’t want to try it out. There will be plenty of other things you can discuss and try that will be both mutually enjoyed. With this, be mindful of your partners limits and respect them.

Take this exploration of yours and their kinks slowly! There is no need to rush and to make the whole experience more natural and comfortable for you both, taking it slowly and doing some research can help improve the whole process.

In hand with all these do’s, there are also some don’ts.

Don’t assume your parter knows what your kinks are or knows how to do them if you have not communicated with them clearly what it is. If the kink is both new to you and them, read up about said kink. Alternatively, watch ethical porn that displays your kink. If you are unsure on where to find ethical porn, read this article for sources. Remember, if you decide to learn about your kink by watching porn, to not have that staged expectation to be translated into your own experience with your partner because each situation is unique!

As mentioned earlier, it is important to not be self-centered. Don’t continue to force your kink and desires onto your partner if they have expressed they are not ready or simply don’t want to try. This can ultimately break down the trust and communication you have in this relationship. If you and your partners kink desires progress, it may be worth introducing safe words to use to indicate to the other to stop or to slow down. Again this reaffirms the trust in the relationship and the respecting of boundaries.

Potential kinks to explore

You may already have an idea of what kinks you are wanting to explore with your partner and that’s great! If you know exactly what they are then get into reading up on them. Reading first before trying out your kink could help you better understand what it Intels for both you and your partner. It will make you aware of any possible emotions that may arise when performing this kink and how to process them, keeping the experience as light and enjoyable as possible. If you are unsure on what kinks you may have or are just opening to trying something new out to see if you both like it, here is a small selection of relatively common kinks you and your partner

  • Bondage
      • Domination and submission
      • Role play
      • Sex outside
        • Orgasm control

          As always, make sure that this experience of kink play is safe and comfortable for you and whoever you wish to experiment with. Sex isn’t meant to be some picturesque experience where everything goes perfectly right so just always try to have fun with it and if you do this with someone who respects you and you trust them then you instantly create a safe space to do this. Another important thing to remember when experimenting with kinks is to not be ashamed! Many people who don’t understand kinks or aren’t open to learning about them, jump straight to kink shaming and that really isn’t the mentality we are wanting for this new year. Enjoy yourself and have fun whilst being sex safe!

          milly struthers

          Brighton '23

          I am a female van traveller with the desire to explore the world and interact with a range of people and engulf myself in new cultures. Reflecting shared female and queer issues across all race and ethnicities within my articles Creating a safe and open space in my writing where individuals can relate or emphasis with what is being written and most importantly feel connected and that their not alone in their experiences.