Her Campus Logo Her Campus Logo
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Brighton chapter.

For this article, I set out to gather a range of different sexual experiences to help break the idea that sex is the same for everyone. In last weeks article, 6 women shared their stories with me by answering a set number of questions. This week, it’s 7 men’s time to shine. I hope that each reader can find something relatable in their experiences and break free from the idea that is spoon-fed to us that each persons sex life is supposed to look the same. Just a disclaimer, I let the boys have free-reign to answer any question that they wanted to, which is why some questions are missing responses.

What was your first time like?

Boy #1 (he/him, 20, heterosexual): “It felt like an exam.”

Boy #2 (he/him, 20, heterosexual): “I can’t especially remember my first time. I know it was strange and fantastic at the same time. It was awkward in a way as neither of us knew what we were doing. But yeah, fun.”

Boy #3 (he/him, 21, heterosexual): “My first time was via sexual assault at a very young age. Something I don’t really speak about, but I suppressed that entirely until recently.”

Boy #4 (he/they, 19, queer): “It was pretty awkward, I had an image in my mind of what I thought it would be like, but it was a lot more awkward than I expected it to be.”

Boy #5 (he/him, 21, heterosexual): “My first time was with my girlfriend at the time. We were 16; everyone in our year group was starting to lose their virginity. We had been friends with benefits before that, and we felt ready; it was slightly painful for her and uncomfortable. Still, we made each other feel at ease.”

Boy #6 (he/him, 19, queer): “It wasn’t anything memorable. I wish that I waited until it was with somebody I cared about more.”

Boy #7 (he/him, 20, heterosexual): “My first time was good. It made me feel like I’d kinda accomplished something, like a milestone or whatever and wouldn’t have the same perspective on things again.”

What are the red flags that’ll make you not want a relationship with someone?

Boy #1 (he/him, 20, heterosexual): “Lack of care for others. Say if someone acts in a certain way to make themselves look better, even if that’s deviating from the truth. Just being a dick, really.”

Boy #2 (he/him, 20, heterosexual): “If they’re toxic, you learn a lot about someone from being with them for a while though, the talking phase is fun and exciting, but people change once you’ve been dating a while.”

Boy #3 (he/him, 21, heterosexual): “The first three red flags for me are lack of emotional expression, particular socio-political views, and people who are focused on financial gain.”

Boy #4 (he/they, 19, queer): “Someone who makes up excuses a lot or lies because I just can’t have someone non-trustworthy.”

Boy #5 (he/him, 21, heterosexual): “The biggest red flag that turns me away from a relationship is a controlling nature. Stopping me from being my own person, having time to myself, seeing my friends, where doing anything outside of the relationship is considered unacceptable. That’s the biggest red flag.”

Boy #6 (he/him, 19, queer): “When boys are arrogant or rude and also late replies or airing messages.”

Have you ever been in love? What does love feel like to you?

Boy #1 (he/him, 20, heterosexual): “I think so. In each new relationship, it feels like you feel something more significant than the previous one.”

Boy #2 (he/him, 20, heterosexual): “Yes, it’s like you don’t think of yourself, become selfless almost. It feels like being excited to do anything with one person.”

Boy #3 (he/him, 21, heterosexual): “I don’t know if I’ve been in a healthy type of love before. My ‘first love’ was intense but immature, and my second relationship didn’t feel like anything as such. I think I am starting to understand what a strong romantic connection would be for me, and I now date with that in mind.”

Boy #4 (he/they, 19, queer): “I have been in love. I’d best describe it as puppy eyes and a constant rush of serotonin. Feeling warm and flustered and selfless.”

Boy #5 (he/him, 21, heterosexual): “I feel like I have been in love, but I wasn’t ready to love if that makes sense. I know that I was in love with my ex-girlfriend, but I wasn’t in the right mindset to be in the long term, forever relationship. Love to me is where you can’t hate the thought of not being with that person, where they’re your biggest supporter and the person you always turn to, through good and evil.”

Boy #6 (he/him, 19, queer): “I’m in love right now, and I’m learning more about love every day. Love feels like a journey to me.”

How would you feel if a partner wanted to bring another person into the equation? (Sex or relationship)

Boy #1 (he/him, 20, heterosexual): “Na, if I’ve got a girl, I’ve called dibs. I don’t like sharing.”

Boy #3 (he/him, 21, heterosexual): “Personally not for me, I am a hopeless romantic and become infatuated with my person. I find myself adoring everything and anything about them. So it wouldn’t be suggested by me ever or even thought about. If my significant other wanted that, then they don’t have the same infatuation with me as I have with them… which I think is quite a harsh reality.”

Boy #4 (he/they, 19, queer): “Personally, a third party would be a no-no as it would bring up a lot of insecurity.”

Boy #5 (he/him, 21, heterosexual): “I wouldn’t want to share my intimacy with another person apart from my girlfriend. I wouldn’t be a fan of bringing someone into our relationship.”

Boy #6 (he/him, 19, queer): “I guess I wouldn’t mind as long as you’re both comfortable in the relationship and know where each other stand. If it’s something you both want, then go for it, but if it’s only one of you who wants it, then there might be things both of you need to discuss to set boundaries.”

Boy #7 (he/him, 20, heterosexual): “If she wanted to bring someone else into the relationship, I would feel distraught and that I wasn’t good enough. I would like her for myself, so I’d feel very sad if she wanted to bring a man in. Even if it were a girl, I would feel the same.”

What trait do you look the most for in another person and why?

Boy #1 (he/him, 20, heterosexual): “Overly caring people, it’s attractive.”

Boy #2 (he/him, 20, heterosexual): “Someone driven, who wants the best for themselves and others around them, hard shell, a hard worker and just someone who is generally a nice person.”

Boy #3 (he/him, 21, heterosexual): “Emotional fluidity, so openness and expressiveness. An innate desire to help the world around them with that ability. That’s the most impressive trait a woman can possess.”

Boy #4 (he/they, 19, queer): “I want someone committed because I want to make sure they’re in for a long run and ready for all the weird things life throws at you constantly.”

Boy #5 (he/him, 21, heterosexual): “I’m drawn to someone who is driven and selfless, someone who knows what direction they want to go in and are determined to get there but also someone who cares about others.”

Boy #6 (he/him, 19, queer): “The traits I look for are if they are hardworking, motivated, honest and loyal. I also look for if they are putting the same effort in as I am.”

What are your turn-ons/turn-offs?

Boy #1 (he/him, 20, heterosexual): “Ummm. Gotta be short blondes who are into fitness or compete in a sport. If they work as a carer or do extra things such as charity, that’s really nice. For sexual things, I do have a thing for tan lines in the right places.”

Boy #2 (he/him, 20, heterosexual): “If you mean sexually, someone who is flexible. They have to be pretty naturally. Turn-offs have to be someone who isn’t feminine. They can be who they want to be, and it isn’t just for me, someone who knows their limits and doesn’t go overboard unnecessarily.”

Boy #3 (he/him, 21, heterosexual): “My turn-ons are women vocal about social and political views, passionate and expressive, women with artistic expression (of any kind), women with unique features (i.e. prominent cheekbones or an uncommon nose shape), someone who takes control in situations… Balance is attractive. Oh, and their scent, the right smell on a woman, will mean I cannot stop thinking about that smell. My turn-offs are excessive materialism, central or right-wing political views of any kind, meat-eating (with no intention to ever alter this), lack of regard for the environment, girls who influence for boohoo and places like that (they are complicit in furthering slave labour and facilitating the growth of fast fashion), lack of social/political/cultural awareness.”

Boy #4 (he/they, 19, queer): “My turn-ons are humour, intelligence, creativity, pretty eyes. My turn-offs are a lack of personality, lack of emotion, no effort.”

Boy #5 (he/him, 21, heterosexual): “My biggest turn offs are someone who doesn’t take care of their personal hygiene or is lazy and has no life goals. On the contrary, my biggest turn-ons are intelligence and someone who has a great sense of humour.”

Boy #6 (he/him, 19, queer): “Turn-ons would be that they smell nice and dress well, have good manners and know how to treat you well while also showing that they want the same out of the relationship as you/ turn-offs would be somebody who doesn’t really know what they want from you, somebody who doesn’t have any goal in life or real direction to where they want there future to go and also if they have a narcissistic personality where they only consider their own needs.”

My name is India-Maia, but I just go by India. Currently, I am in my second year at Brighton University studying Media. I come from a diverse background, which has resulted in a rather liberal outlook to life. I aim to show this through my writing at Her Campus in an Agony Aunt style column. I applied to join Her Campus so that I could write alongside writers to help empower women and be apart of something I am very passionate about.
Hey, my name is Neave and I am a final-year Media Studies student at the University of Brighton. I currently serve as campus correspondent/editor-in-chief for Her Campus Brighton and in my spare time, I love to read, write and watch movies which is why I started my column: Theme Queen! Outside of my hobbies, I am a keen social activist, and when I graduate I want to write content that is progressive and stands for impactful social change. Thank you so much for reading my articles, any bit of support is greatly appreciated xo