One of the most important topics addressed during my business degree was communication – or, better put, the lack thereof. Despite there being a class focused entirely on written and verbal communication in the business world, I feel many students fail to dedicate the same effort in their social life. Many situations can be quickly resolved if the parties involved are simply honest and empathetic when evaluating problems they have with others. Though I am no expert, I continuously make efforts to better myself by evaluating my own communication skills. Through trial and error, observation, and reading various articles, I have concluded that there are four imperative aspects of communication necessary to prevent arguments from getting out of hand.
1. Anger/Sadness
Extreme emotions, such as anger or sadness, tend to drive us to abandon logic and act on any impulse we may have. Whether that impulse is to push someone away or yell, it only serves to worsen the situation. That is why it is always a good idea to take the time to think and relax so you can process your situation, feelings, and response. If someone insists on speaking during a moment where your emotions are too polarized, it is best to explain that you need some time to think and evaluate the situation.
2. Evaluating the Situation
One of the first questions to ask yourself is: does this really matter? Many times we get upset over little things due to the mood we are already in. It is important to reflect and understand when we are doing this so we can limit arguments to those that deserve to be had. Time should also be given to question whether or not the other party involved was just having a bad day. We are all human and, at times, we let unrelated problems affect our attitude in day-to-day conversations.
3. Actively Listening
Many individuals carry out arguments in their head, constructing the perfect responses to what they imagine the other person will say. This can lead to one-sided conversation when you focus only on what you already planned to say. Though it is good to gather your thoughts prior to a discussion, it is of equal importance to realize that the other party will have their own thoughts, feelings, and viewpoints that they will express. Actively listening helps to understand the other’s position in the matter as well as where you stand with them.
4. Agree to Disagree
It is usually preferred to end a conversation in agreement so that there are no hurt feelings experienced by either party; however, it is unrealistic to think this will be the outcome of every argument. People have their own personalities, beliefs, and desires (just as you have yours) and there is no assurance that you will change any aspect of the person you are speaking with. In accepting this truth, you become aware of when it is best to simply agree to disagree. If it appears that neither of you will change their position, then you should be able to step back and accept that fact.