I remember it like it was yesterday: finals were coming to an end, the excitement of going home was beginning to take over my imagination, and the reality of the slightly unhealthy lifestyle I was falling into due to finals and assignment after assignment was sinking in. Amidst the daze of finals and packing, envisioning what I was going to do over winter break became a refuge in my mind. I imagined waking up at 7 am, going to yoga every day, biking to the beach, reading countless books, eating super healthy, and going to the city every weekend to explore. Before I knew it, these were the expectations I had set for myself, as well as the home I was going back to.
I think we all know by now that unattainable expectations for oneself and others only bring disappointment, but it can be easy to forget that when you’re caught in the throes of your imagination, and envisioning the “new you” becomes a refuge from the current, less than ideal, “you.” Needless to say, I fell headfirst into this trap when setting expectations for my winter break.
Upon arriving home, I was surprised to realize that I wasn’t revitalized with a sudden flash of energy and motivation to work out, eat healthily, and be the “new me” I had imagined. Instead, I felt the equivalent of a brutal, energy draining hangover from last semester. I was hit with the after effects of finals and the general neglect of sleep and nutrition that happen during one’s freshman year. Therefore, instead of feeling drawn to the yoga mat and green juice, I found more of a preference for Netflix and sleep.
Something I wish I’d realized earlier on in the break is that feeling the need to just relax and let myself enjoy being chill at home is OKAY, as well as extremely normal. When I asked the majority of my friends how their break went, they answered: “Good, pretty much did nothing.” Due to the expectations, I’d set for myself, I felt like crap about not doing all the things I’d planned and then found myself restless to fulfill them at hyper speed as the break started coming to a close. That isn’t to say I didn’t have a good break, because I did, and I did many of the things I wanted to, just not to the degree that I had planned. Sure, I did yoga a few times and I did drink a smoothie here and there, as well as try to see as many California sunsets as I could, but I still felt I was falling short of the “new me” I had imagined. But the harsh truth is that that “new me” will never exist outside of my imagination. Sometimes you’re just left with the “you” whose only wish is to drink multiple cups of coffee and cuddle with your dog.
What I learned from this journey into unrealistic expectations is that it applies to so many other areas of my life, and usually ends up reflecting poorly on my mental state. Yes, it’s good to work on bettering yourself, but not to the detriment of your happiness. Going home, while exciting, is also just going home, to family, showers sans flip-flops, and the comfort of a place where you can be yourself.