The term “dating scene” seems far outdated for us as college students. Often expectations of dating in college imply either: carefree hookups or meeting your future spouse. And while one or the other might be a goal for some students, it’s hard to actually follow through with either proposal–much less find a middle ground. From casual dates to friends with benefits to open relationships, it seems that dating advice is pretty relative. So to be proactive about getting exactly what you want, define “dating” by your own terms and acknowledge that it takes a bit of effort to get started.
Take the chance: Finding someone you want to date/marry/hook-up with isn’t always easy. Go somewhere that you would meet new people who potentially share the same interests as you. Attend a fun event on or off campus, a club meeting alone, or that party that might not be any good anyway. Be realistic and optimistic, because there is always a chance that you will meet someone new that you will like. Don’t go to an event expecting it to be horrible because it might be a self-fulfilling prophecy. but also don’t set unrealistically high expectations since can lead to disappointment. Go in to a situation knowing that it’s going to be a coin toss. You’re taking a risk between meeting great new people and meeting not-so-great new people. If you don’t at least take the chance, don’t expect sympathy when you complain that nothing . If the event turns out to be awkward or uncomfortable then that’s the worst that could happen. You can always leave early and you’ll know that you tried. If it turns out to be an amazing place to meet people, would you really want to miss out on that opportunity?
Keep an open mind, don’t immediately write off or get attached to anyone: Maybe you meet (or are already acquainted with) someone you like, and maybe you think you have immediate chemistry that could potentially lead to having their future children. Avoid your desire to immediately cling to that person. They might not be as interested in you or underneath their initial charm they could turn out to be a complete dud. So keep your options open and continue getting to know other people, and don’t be disappointed if they do the same. Same goes for talking to someone you may not like, don’t write them off completely. They could turn out to be cool, or they might have friends that you end up hitting it off with. It never hurts to be sociable and keep your options open.
Be realistic, but don’t lower your standards: Not every person or situation is going to be ideal, so know the risks you’re taking before getting too involved with anything. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that notorious flirt that never fails to mention how cute you are, hasn’t said the same to all the other girls in the room. But that doesn’t mean you should go out with a person you don’t like because they are giving you special attention. Or if a person you really want to be a relationship with only wants to be friends with benefits, don’t risk or compromise your emotions because it’s better than nothing or in hopes they’ll change their mind. Figure out what an attainable dating situation that you want.
Do what you want to do, no regrets!: When you know what you want to from the dating scene the more satisfied you’ll be with your outcome. Be honest with yourself and anyone you are potentially involving. Think about the how consequences of your actions will effect you emotionally. Don’t do something you know you will regret later, whether it’s making out with a stranger or rushing too quickly into a relationship. Don’t not do something you’ll regret either, like going out with that person your friends think is weird. Do what feels comfortable for you personally, and disregard what anyone else thinks. Just make sure you are on the same page as the person you’re “dating”. If you’re unsure and need to experiment to find out what you want, feel free to do so. Everyone makes some mistakes before getting it right, just don’t be too frivolous with your emotions. In other words, YOLO.