There are only a few things that compare to the excitement of a new relationship. Maybe you’ve been mustering up the courage to ask the cute girl in your study group out, or maybe you’ve matched with a guy on tinder — a guy without a fish picture in his profile! Either way, it’s thrilling to spend time with someone new. The butterflies in your stomach can be overwhelming. While we’re getting swept off our feet, it can be easy to get lost in the other person and forget to set boundaries. Healthy boundaries are crucial to any successful relationship, platonic or romantic, but it can feel awkward or nerve-wracking trying to start those conversations.
I started a new relationship at the beginning of these semester, and it’s been great. However, there are definitely stumbling blocks I’ve had to work through. Using my current experience, and my disastrous mistakes with an ex, I’ve discovered some healthy ways to set boundaries with a new partner.
Firstly, it’s important to have the “what are we” conversation early. I’m not saying you have to commit after the first few dates. What I’m saying is you need to figure out if the two of you are on the same page. Don’t waste each other’s time. If one person wants casual hookups and the other is looking for something long term, you’ll just get more hurt the longer you put off the conversation about what you are. Define your expectations, and see if they line up. If they don’t, it’s probably in your best interest to part ways with the person. If they do, congratulations! You have a new partner.
Secondly, it is important to hear the other person out. Sometimes, especially early in a relationship, it is easy to stay wrapped up in your own brain. You question everything, and you’re too busy focused on your own fears to notice how your partner feels. Your partner has boundaries of their own! Prompt them to communicate those boundaries with you, and then uphold them. It is your job to make sure your partner is treated well, just like it’s their responsibility to treat you well.
Lastly, be honest and talk out what you want! I can’t stress this enough: you can’t set a boundary without being upfront and honest. If you don’t want to have sex on the first few dates, you have to communicate that. If you’re not someone who wants to meet the other person’s parents, it’s important to tell them sooner rather than later. You won’t come off as rude. My boyfriend thanked me for being so clear about what I wanted because he felt more comfortable around me knowing what I was and wasn’t interested in. It makes life easier for everyone when you talk through things, instead of just playing guessing games with the other person.