Meeting new people, making friends, and creating meaningful connections can seem overwhelming to those of us who are introverted with social anxiety to the max, but it is possible.
My first year in college, out of everything I was looking forward to, the most exciting part to me was meeting new people and getting out of my shell. I was tired of the ways that I had limited myself in high school and I decided it was time to expand my social circle to make new connections. At first it seemed overwhelming meeting new people, especially considering I had about six close friends in high school. It was daunting to meet new people in a place I did understand yet with the kinds of social anxiety and nerves I had at eighteen-years-old, but I wanted to connect with people. I found a way! And after I spent my first year of college remote as COVID-19 pushed me to take online and Zoom only classes, I was more ready than ever to put myself out there. Being alone for long after so desperately wanting to connect with others I took advantage of every opportunity to build new and meaningful friends. Now in my last semester of college, this is my understanding to building new and meaningful friendships!
Practice Makes Perfect
The first thing I learned with making a connection with friends in a college setting is keep meeting people, consistently try to interact with people, and keep finding new ways with others. Don’t be afraid of embarrassing yourself (I know easier said than done), but everyone is usually more concerned with themselves than you and that’s a good thing. That means when you feel like something you did or said was embarrassing most likely people around you aren’t noticing that and are more focused on themselves than you in that moment. It’s okay to make mistakes, in fact, that’s called being a human! It is so easy to get up in your head about talking and interacting with other people but keep doing it. The more you interact with others, yes you will make more mistakes, but the more mistakes you make the more you grow, learn, and adapt. Making sure to take something from new interactions to learn how you want to connect with others, and who you want to connect with! The more you put yourself out there the more conformable and confident you will be meeting new people and forming new friendships. I realized that I don’t need to be friends with everyone I meet, but the more people I meet the more possibility I have for new deeper connections.
Being Open Minded
Understanding that we are all different people with unique life stories, experiences, and worldviews is so important when meeting new people and making connections. In college, you learn that having people surrounding you who are different is a way to learn more about the world around you, and you should search for people who are different from you. Finding ways to open your mind to new ideas, experiences, and groups can help you understand yourself and the world around you better. Get outside your comfort zone and understand the more open minded you are the more possibilities there are for connections with others. Look to have a growth mindset, which is when you are accepting change, working through challenges, being inspired by difference, growing from criticism, and overall looking to always learn and grow! Having an open mind can open you up to so many new and exciting connections with others so go for it!!
MAtch Energies
Sometimes you just click with other people and there is this spark of connection. You can feel that! So, trust your gut when it says, “This person makes me feel more confident and comfortable with who I am,” your gut knows. When I find people who not only make me feel welcome but uplift me and my ideas, I know I have found true friends! It can be hard to tell, but again trust how you feel! You know best who you are vibing with and listen to that part of yourself. When you feel energized after hanging out with someone or they make you feel so much happier when you see them, then you have found someone who matches your energy! Focus on whether or not you feel listened to by this person and that they want to share ideas, worldviews, and grow together. It can be a difficult thing to notice, but the energy you feel around others is always something to keep in mind. Also, find time to reflect on the energy people feed you and how that energy can build you up or bring you down. It’s okay to decide to focus in on the people who build you up, while still being there for your friends when they are in a more negative space. The difference is when you are around someone who always is in a negative space or constantly makes you feel down, then that is a pattern that can be broken. It is hard, but sometimes cutting out the people who are constantly feeding you negative energy is the best thing for yourself creating healthy boundaries in relationships.
Seting Boundaries
Understanding when you or your friends need space is a difficult thing to do, but it is important to set boundaries. Knowing yourself and how you need personal time and space is so crucial when building relationships, and sometimes saying “No I can’t right now, but maybe later” is what you need to do for yourself. Being open about when you have energy with your friends is so important, so you don’t end up draining yourself socially and when you do spend time with your friends it means something. Learning boundaries is important to make sure you’re not draining the energy of your friends and asking them “Are you in a place to listen right now or do you need space?” can help navigate these situations. It is always best to ask the friends around you when they have energy or time to share thoughts, ideas, and feelings. Sometimes people just need someone to listen to them so if you are having a deeper conversation session or your friend is going through something major be sure to ask if they need advice or just need someone to listen to them. Always asking what they need and making sure you are vocalizing what you need. It is so difficult to do, especially when like me you love to say “Yes!” to everything when sometimes it’s okay to say “Not now, but maybe later?”
Conversations Building Trust
Opening up and being vulnerable with others is scary, but it has been one of the most important parts of how I have developed friendships. Is the idea of rejection scary? Absolutely! Is the thought of revealing something embarrassing nerve racking yes! But it makes all the difference when forming friendships to have that vulnerability, share those moments of embarrassment or being honest about the situations you are in. A way I do this and continue to be vulnerable is through conversations that build trust between me and the person I am talking with. Using this idea of asking what a person wants of a conversation and being open minded to their ideas can help them further open up to you, and you open up to them! Deep conversations and moments of sharing personal stories have truly built my strongest relationships so far in life, and I think these are the foundation of a strong relationship with someone. It is cathartic to share and be validated by the friends we have and sometimes listening to another person’s problems can help you understand your own views on life. Deep conversations are something I value in my friendships, and they make the connections I have with others so much stronger. Looking for moments of deep conversation is something to keep in mind with friendships!
Caring for Yourself is Caring for Others
You can’t look out for anyone else until you look out for yourself! This is a lesson I am still learning, and I think all of us need to keep in mind that taking care of our own, mental, physical, emotional, and social self comes first. If we end up spending all of our time and energy on others, when will we ever have time to ourselves? The answer: we won’t! I mentioned earlier I love to say “Yes!” to people, and often saying that can lead to me forgetting about my own needs. Sometimes we need to say, “No not right now” and there is nothing wrong with that, because you come first! Yes, we want to be there for our friends, and yes we want to make sure we can be a support system for them, but we also deserve to support ourselves too. Self-support is something I constantly struggle with, but when I make the conscious decision to take time for me and only me, I know I will feel so much better. Learning to listen to our bodies, minds, and inner self to know when it’s time to care for others, and when it’s time to care for ourselves. This is something I am still working on constantly, but I know in the end I will have stronger relationships with others because of the relationship I have with myself!
At the end of the day no matter who you are, where you come from, or what you do, you deserve to have and creating meaningful connections with others! And you can do it, because everyone wants to connect with someone, so there has to be someone out there looking to connect with a person just like you. You deserve to feel connected, supported, and loved by a group of friends, and finding this group can be difficult, but it will be so worth it. Putting yourself out there is the first step! SO JUST GO FOR IT!!