Breakups suck.
That’s why most people in relationships are willing to do whatever it takes to make theirs work, even if it’s unhealthy. No matter if you’re doing the dumping or you’ve been dumped, it takes so much time, energy, and inner-work to start healing and finding yourself again. I think it’s safe to say that most of the human population, if not all, fears dealing with a broken heart. And because of that, we will work ourselves to the point of emotional exhaustion to try to make what we have already work for us. And when that fails, or we feel like we have nothing more to give, we realize that it is time to let go, which is ultimately the most difficult part of it all.
The days and weeks following the breakup are always the hardest. Everything feels so out of routine and abnormal. I think the one question everybody asks themselves after a breakup is “what now?” What am I supposed to do now? Do I go about my everyday life like I was before and try to push through? Or do I take some time off to rest, think, and process what I’m going through? Well, my friends, the answer is this: a little bit of both.
The first step: sitting with your feelings.
As scary as this sounds, I think it’s the most important part of healing post-breakup. Sitting with your feelings and difficult emotions allows you to process them in a healthy way. Instead of distracting yourself and not allowing yourself to think about what happened, you can start to give yourself the space to digest the situation and understand your feelings about it. That’s why you always hear people say “just cry it out!” or “feel your feelings!” because that’s exactly what you need to do. It’s better to process it now than to cover it up, feel temporary fulfillment, and then have your feelings resurface in an undesirable way.
Just say ‘Yes’!
Go out with your girlfriends on the weekend. Take that solo trip. Go on dates. Visit your family. Take up a new hobby. Use this time as a single individual to do all of the things that you wanted to do before but couldn’t (or felt like you couldn’t). Take advantage of the opportunities that come your way, both in your personal life but in your professional life as well. Obviously, don’t pressure yourself into doing things that you’re uncomfortable with or could cause harm to you or others, but allow yourself to say yes to the things that could ultimately benefit you.
Like gabriella said to troy… i gotta go my own way.
One thing that will keep you trapped in an endless loop of hurt is staying up to date with your ex on their socials or remaining in their circle. I learned this the hard way, and frankly, I think we all do at some point. As difficult as it is to let go (and boy, is it difficult), it’s necessary for you to move on. If you want to heal, grow, and release what no longer serves you, this means losing contact, unfriending them on social media, and clearing their username out of your search history. To move on, you need to let go.
it’s time to recreate a new life without them.
One of the hardest parts of going through a breakup is having to go on without them. Doing your daily, normal mundane tasks feels so much harder because everything was so different the last time you did them. A way to help this? Create a new routine. Change your scenery. Rearrange the furniture in your room or your home. Implement new habits and new activities in your daily routine. Once you get used to this, even the little things, before you know it your everyday life will feel normal again.
Embrace the single-ness!
After allowing yourself some time to process the breakup and your feelings about everything, start trying to shift your mindset to looking at the changes in your life as a positive. For instance, one thing I really struggled with right after my breakup was the physical loneliness. When you’re in a relationship, you get used to the feeling of always having someone to touch, hug, kiss, show & receive affection, etc. So when you’re not in that relationship anymore, those consistencies go away. The way I started to think about it was, “ah, it feels nice to have my bed to myself,” or “wow, I can make any plans I want without having to consider anybody else.” There will be little moments post-breakup where you will feel a weight lifted off of your shoulders. Almost like the Universe is sending you a reminder that it’s better to be alone right now, in your own presence and space.
Once you start to change your mindset, you will see a shift in your life and ultimately begin to heal. Becoming aware of your thoughts and feelings and allowing yourself to feel everything to the fullest extent is the biggest form of self-care that you can give to yourself. Use what you’ve learned throughout the relationship and what you’ve learned since being broken up to continue to grow into the most intelligent, highest version of yourself. Now, you have experienced new things, learned new lessons, and are ready to continue on into the next chapter of your life.