Read & Listen: Ridin’ Solo – Jason Derulo
Living on your own, especially being a female, can seem pretty daunting. Between everything going on in today’s society and not wanting to constantly be alone with your thoughts, it makes sense why we chose to have roommates (even ones that we might not like).
Hi. If we haven’t formally met, my name is Ciara and I live on my own. In just the short few months of being out on my own, I have learned more about myself, the world, and my goals for life, more than I ever have before. It was a big leap, but ultimately one I think I was ready for (and as we will learn, one that was needed).
1. We are Pushed Past Our Limits
I love pickles. Okay, why would you care? Well, if you love pickles like me, then you understand how difficult it can be to open the jar sometimes. And when you live alone, that task is all up to you. There is nobody else you can just pass off the jar to. In your independence, you are constantly given tasks that you once thought you could never accomplish. Tasks that you had an auto-response to just hand off to another person; somebody who seemed more capable. What we don’t realize when we do this, is we teach ourselves that we can’t do it. Even though we can; we just have the choice not to.
Now I know that we all have limits that far exceed that of a pickle jar. A more reasonable limit would be a fear of the dark or a fear of being alone. But just like with everything else, if we put ourselves in a new scenario, we see new growth. Too often we become comfortable with the barriers that confine us and we dont realize their negative impacts.
How does a juggler realize his ability to juggle? What is the first thing he must do? He must throw his objects into the air. The act of throwing objects into the air; handing them over to uncontrollable gravity, can seem very daunting. But without doing so, he would have never gained a new impressive skill.
2. Growth Happens Outside of Our Comfort Zone
Have you ever heard the saying we can’t grow inside our comfort zone? Well, I believe this to be true. Something new can only be crafted from the unknown. This is what makes a new creation so amazing and beautiful. The risk and potential failures it took to get there. When we live day to day doing the say tasks, talking to the same people, we arent learning anything new. We arent having new experiences. Do you think Walt Disney woke up one day and decided to create DisneyWorld? Or that Edison was born with the idea of the lightbulb? I, mean, it’s not impossible but also very unlikely. They had to step out of their safe space, ways of thinking and various comforts.
Our dreams are realized when we adopt new ways of thinking, patterns, people, and challenges. We grow when we overcome every task that is thrown our way. Being on your own enables you to take accountability for all your successes. Every day you are given tasks that you alone have to accomplish. Is your A/C not working? Well, you’d better set aside an hour or two to google the heck out of it. Or to call a maintenance person who is most likely more qualified to be taking apart an air conditioner. It also helps you to take accountability for your failures which helps to realize what to improve upon. The maintenance guy arrives and you realize the problem is that you leave the air conditioning on 24/7. Whoopsie. Being on your own allows you alone to take responsibility and therefore grow from it. If you had a roommate, it might be easy to pin the A/C mishap on them.
3. Confidence!
In every situation you have found yourself in, you have managed to come out on the other end. Like I mentioned before, taking alone responsibility for your failures also means you take responsibility for you successes. After taking all your triumphs into account, you begin to understand the things you are capable of. You rewrite your boundaries with questions marks and keep pushing along.
In regards to failures, having nobody to blame them on inspire us to work hard. Since living on my own, I have not only been excelling in my academics, but also in my job (I currently hold two), and pushing myself to find additional things to occupy my time to escape boredom (like writing). This is time I would normally spend with housemates or doing social activities. Now I am not saying that roommates are bad, don’t get confused. I am just saying that maybe once, even if just for a few months, you prioritize the relationship you have with yourself.
4. Being Comfortable with Yourself
Have you ever considered taking a trip on your own? Does the idea of going out to eat by yourself make you a little bit uneasy? The relationship we have with ourselves is the most important one we could ever have. Too often we search for qualities in others that we lack ourselves. We search to fill a whole inside of ourselves with the presence of another person or group of people. To make matters worse, we are too afraid to take the time to be alone and fix it. Or we just don’t know how to fix it. I get it.
The relationship with self is too misunderstood. We think, how is it possible to have a relationship with yourself, that doesn’t even make sense? Or a relationship has to be two-sided and there are no two sides to myself. This misconception is false. The truth lies in that there is a relationship within how we view ourselves.
5. You Can Do Whatever the Heck You Want (within reason)
Have you ever had the burning desire to go to Meijer and buy a cake and eat all of it in one sitting? Of course, you have. And when I say whatever you want, I mean things like this, not committing arson. There is nobody telling you to clean the dishes or pick up clothes (even though you still need to do these things, they don’t go away, ever). Sometimes when somebody tells us to do something, it makes us what to do it less. Why is that? Perhaps because we have free-willed individuals and like to act accordingly. If something wasn’t our idea, what’s the point in doing it? Why doesn’t the person who instructed you do it if they want it done so bad?
Anyways. There is none of that when you’re on your own and this alone makes you want things to look nice. You want your dishes to be done and your bed to be made. Nobody else is going to do it for you so why not just get it done?
Succeeding in these aspects like cleanliness and and academics also give us a sense of happiness and enjoyment. This strive to do well, in some cases, becomes addicting. You want that rush of happiness that getting sh*t done gives you. Ever watch cleaning videos on Tik Tok because they are satisfying? Same type of sensation.
Basically what I am trying to say is that if you make it on your own, there is nothing you cannot do. By being on your own, the relationship with yourself will improve and therefore, your relationship with others. You will stop seeking to make up for the things you lack and treat others with more understanding and empathy because that’s how you treat yourself. How we treat others is a reflection of how we treat ourselves. You will find a new confidence in your abilities and find yourself doing things you never imagined you would be doing. You will grow as a person and discover new ambitions, dreams, goals, and hobbies. You will become a broader individual and have a new take on life. A belief that you can do anything, be anything, or experience anything you want.
Truth is, you don’t need anything or anybody to be happy because that is found within yourself. How can we prosper in external relationships if we don’t have a relationship with ourselves?