How to Effectively Resolve Roommate Issues
Many students find roommates from mutual friends or on the internet. With society today, its not a bad idea to learn a little more about your potential roommate before living with them. Sites like People Finders can help you out with that. Learning to live with a complete stranger can be a very difficult task for most students. With few options on BSU’s campus to live completely alone, many residents have experienced the challenge of trying to resolve an issue with their roommate. The Bowie State University family has recently lost a beloved Bulldog, Dominique Frazier, to a senseless crime. Considering this violent murder allegedly took place after an altercation between Frazier and her roommate, we would like to share a few tips that make living with a roommate easier.
1. Take advantage of any opportunity you have to select your roommate.
While living with your close friends might not be a good idea, take advantage of the options you have to pick your roommate. In traditional housing and CMRC, you can suggest the name of an individual with whom you would like to reside. If this option is unavailable, there is usually a questionnaire that will be used to match you with a compatible roommate. If you treat this process like E-Harmony for roommates, there is a good chance you will be paired with a compatible roommate. It is very important to be honest. If your room usually looks like a pig’s pen, do not lie and say that you are mostly tidy. This could cause conflict.
2. Be clear about your must haves and can’t stands upon meeting each other.
Resident Life requires that all roommates complete a roommate agreement form. Most students fill it out to avoid fines, without setting serious agreements. It is very important that you take this form seriously. It is a great tool to start conversations about what will be acceptable in your living space. It is a lot easier to lay down the law early on than to try to enforce rules that were never established. If you have a problem with your roommates touching your belongings without asking, let them know this within the first week of living with them. This is also a good time to create a chore chart.
3. Learn your roommate’s favorite way to communicate.
In any successful relationship, communication is key. What good is a key if you are unlocking the wrong door? Each person is wired differently and does not process information the same as the next person. For example, you may prefer to write notes to convey a message to your roommate. Your roommate may prefer you sitting on the edge of her bed, discussing the issue face to face. Once you learn the way in which she best receives information, you can utilize it. Remember that texts can be interpreted incorrectly. Your tone is usually difficult to distinguish through an sms message or a note. It should be used as a last resort, or in addition to face-to-face discussion.
4. If the problem is too much for you to handle, seek help.
The purpose of a resident assistant (RA) is to assist you as you reside in a residence hall. They have been trained to handle various situations that may arise between you and your roommate. If you have taken the first step in making your roommate aware of your issue and have not noticed change, make your RA aware of this. By doing so, you will now have documentation of this problem. Should the problem escalate, you have proof that you acted in a mature manner. Resident assistants usually will set up mediation to resolve your issue. If they cannot resolve the problem, then you will have mediation with the resident director. If the problem is so severe that this does not help, a room change, fine, or room expulsion may occur.
5. Don’t be petty.
Sometimes you just have to let things go. Stop and ask yourself if the issue is worth fighting for. If your answer is no, leave it alone. Also, refrain from sharing every little detail with your friends and/or social network of choice. It may be tempting to cash in by submitting a trashy photo to Cosmopolitan’s “Roommate B**** it Out” section, but doing so will not be helpful. Your quaint living space is just as much your roommate’s safe haven as it is yours. Your room/apartment is a place where your roommate should feel safe enough to be herself. You should not compromise this, even if the molded piece of bread on their desk looks like a baby panda.
6. Avoid making things physical.
Things may get out of control if you feel very passionate about the issue at hand. Yet, you still need to keep your head. Too many things can be lost because of a fight; housing, scholarships, enrollment, and in Dominique’s case, a life. None of these things are worth losing because your roommate refuses to rinse her hair out of the shower. If an incident happens, give yourself time to cool off before discussing the issue with your roommate. Do not let the issue linger into the next day. If you feel that your roommate’s temper may lead to a physical altercation, ask the resident assistant to remain nearby. The most important thing to remember is to keep your hands to yourself and respect your roommate’s personal space.
7. Remember that while you don’t have to be friends, you do have to live together.
Every resident on campus knows that room changes occur once in a blue moon. With that being said, it is important to respect each other. Even if you do not become best friends, both of you should have an understanding of one another. Even if you cannot stand your roommate, give your best effort to making her feel comfortable living with you. When you do have a disagreement, make sure to include some positive things about her. This will make her warm and fuzzy, while getting down to the meat of the matter. Unless she is a total grouch, she will likely return the favor and appreciate your efforts.