Genuine conversations about dating and hook up culture are often taboo on college campuses–and Bowdoin seems to be no different. However, Professor Donna Freitas spoke candidly at common hour on Friday about these topics, in a talk entitled “Sex and the Soul: Juggling Sexuality, Spirituality, Romance, and Religion on Americas College Campuses.”
The lecture shares the title of her book, which gives an analysis of the findings Freitas discovered in a research project, which examined hookup culture in connection to spirituality at colleges all over the United States. Professor Freitas developed an extensive online survey relating to sexuality and spirituality, completed by over 2500 college students. Additionally, she interviewed 112 students and read 108 journals written by college students about their thoughts concerning hookup culture and spirituality.
In the end, what did her findings show? The majority of college students are somewhat unhappy with their college hook up experience. What makes hook ups so lame for so many? Continue reading.
Romance…there’s a funny idea. It seems almost non-existent in the college hook up scene, which is further proven by the fact that 78% of students Freita surveyed believe that romance involves just talking, or Hollywood-worthy dates, such as a long walk and star gazing.
The underlying truth of Professor Freitas’ findings was that most college students believe sex and romance are opposites; which means that once sex is involved, romance is no longer possible. This is a sad truth for a culture that is motivated by romantic comedies and sappy novels. It seems unrealistic that we’ll find the romance of How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days here on our Bowdoin campus, so we often find ourselves disappointed and disheartened.
When further discussing hook up cultures 36% of students at nonreligious colleges said their peers were too casual about sex and 42% reported that their peers were simply “casual” about it. That means that an overwhelming majority of students see hooking up as casual in some way. (These statistics seem to fit the definition of a “classic hookup” that Professor Freitas gives.)
According to Freitas, a “classic hookup” is defined by three characteristics: #1 It involves some sort of physical intimacy, usually sexual. #2 It’s brief. This can mean a thirty second dance floor make-out or a one night sleep over followed by a walk of shame. And finally, #3 There is “no attachment” involved in a hookup.
These guidelines make “hooking up” seem drama-free and efficient. However, what Professor Freitas found is that students seem to feel that hooking up leads to a lot of stress for college students. 41% of students who reported having “hooked up” in the past were profoundly upset about this behavior. Their feelings about hooking up were reported using words such as awkward, used, dirty, regretful, empty, alone, miserable, disgusted, and ashamed. Furthermore, an additional 23% expressed ambivalence about hooking up (“it’s whatever”), and 36% said they were fine with hook ups. When taking all of this into consideration it becomes clear that the vast majority of college students who have participated in “hooking up” in the past are unsatisfied and unhappy with their experiences in some way.
What do all of these things mean for us? Professor Freitas pointed out in her discussion on Friday that the principle of hooking up is about not communicating and not connecting. In Freitas’s words, we as college students are “habituating ourselves into disconnecting sex and romance.”
A final point she made was that hook up culture is not an empowering space to conduct sexual experiences. However, it seems as though there is often little alternative. Freitas pointed out that finding a link to spirituality in our lives, in some way (not only through religion) can help all of us answer questions about how we feel about hooking up and romance.
According to Professor Frietas, spirituality entails the process of asking ourselves meaningful questions such as “what is the good life?” and “how can I get there?” She stated that by finding a connection to spirituality of some sort, we will have a better chance of having meaningful, true, real sex that makes us feel empowered and good. Spirituality is essentially a healthy place to live out our sexualities, and by tapping in to spirituality of some sort, we can all move forward.
With all of this in mind, I can’t help but think that Bowdoin students probably feel the same way as those that Freitas surveyed. The majority of us have had a “hookup” at one point or another, but beyond out immediate friends we often don’t discuss or talk about how our hookups translate into real life feelings. I think the Bowdoin hook up culture is probably similar to that of many other colleges in America, which leads me to believe that maybe we should consider facilitating more open discussion about our hook up culture and the part that spirituality–or lack thereof–plays on our campus. Over all, Professor Freitas opened my eyes to a great deal of insightful information about the nature of college hook ups and what larger role they play in our happiness and in our lives.