If you are unlucky like me, then at some point in time in your life you will find yourself as the only person in your friend group who is not in a relationship. It’s a weird place to be honestly, and it has taken some serious navigating, at least from my experience anyway. It’s a hard watching all of your best friends being snatched up by these people who seemingly show up out of nowhere. If you are a part of this demographic like myself, then you will resonate deeply with some of these situation we can find ourselves in. If you are the friend in the relationship: PAY ATTENTION. CLASS IS IN SESSION
1. The idea dawns on you that you are the only person out of all your friends who doesn’t have a SO.
Everyone has had a date for the last 3 Saturdays while you’ve been sitting in the room without pants eating all 88 of your Welch’s Fruit Snacks
2. You begin to question if there is something wrong with you.
Do I smell? Am I ugly? WHEN WILL MY REFLECTION SHOW WHO I AM INSIDE?
3. Then you remember that you are the baddest b*tch you know, so that can’t be it. Then you just accept facts.
My a$$ is PHAT, and I’m funny. These dudes just haven’t peeped game yet.
4. There is always that awkward stage of meeting everyone’s SO for the first time.
“Hey, yes, hello. I saw you being a drunken mess at a party one time, and now you’re in a committed relationship with my bestfriend. You’ve grown, PROUD OF YOU.”
5. And if you do not like the SO, YOU HAVE TO STOMACH BEING AROUND THEM CAUSE YOU WANT YOUR DAY 1 TO BE HAPPY.
“You are so lucky I want my bestfriend to be happy or I would READ. YOU. FOR. FILTH”
6.Everyone seems to think you would enjoy being a third wheel???? So they invite you hang out with them????
God, are you there???? What is this test, what is my lesson???
7. For those special situations when your best friend is also your room mate: When you come back to the room and they ARE BOTH IN THERE CUDDLED UP ON THE COUCH, BEING GROSS AND NO ONE TOLD YOU!
Today was so stressful. I basically had to fight all of my professors, and the bus driver ignored me. I do not want to have to watch you two try to physicaly become on entity. “Get out.”
8.When the SO thinks they know more about your friend than you do.
“I was around when she made out with everyone in this room, and I know how she got that scar on her knee from the 3rd grade. Check your facts, son.”
9.When they partake the world’s largest amount of PDA.
I love you guys, but I will have my corneas removed if y’all trade saliva one more time.
10.The first time they make some gross reference to their sex life.
I’m lying down in my own pool of tears, but trust me it has nothing to do with your vivid description of your bedroom activities.
11.When you see them arguing for the first time.
You kind of want to slip away, but also you kind of want to stay and watch the drama unfold.
12.When you get caught in the argument.
Sorry, I have to go be somewhere else that is literally anywhere other than here. I will go to Mars and die before I take part in this argument
13.When you catch the SO being messy and you have to spill the tea to your friend.
Now you know I keep all receipts, so you better be ready to answer for your crimes ‘CAUSE I’M TELLING!
14.Having to listen to your friend complain about their partner all the time.
“YOU ARE A MAGICAL CREATURE WHO DESERVES ANOTHER MAGICAL CREATURE! WHY DO YOU STAY WITH HIM?”
15.Or listen to them rave about them the whole time.
I’m happy that you are happy, but I’m un happy because I have to keep hearing about how happy you are.
16.When someone says you’re jealous of everyone else being in a relationship.
Um, excuse me for not wanting to share all my time and food with another human being!
17.When you start to feel like your friends are forgetting about you.
This one needs no explanation.
18. When your friend invites their SO to a *SQUAD ONLY* function.
“Didn’t you just spend the last 8,000 hours with him? why is he here now?”
19.When you start to wonder if maybe you should start putting yourself out there.
Maybe it wouldn’t be bad to have someone to cuddle and watch Cutthroat Kitchen with…
20.But then you remember you value your independence and don’t want to find someone just because it’s what you are “supposed” to do.
ATTENTION FRIENDS IN RELATIONSHIPS: We are beyond thrilled that you have another person in your life that brings you as much joy as we do. DON’T LOSE YOURSELF FOR THESE BOYS. I’ve seen so many of my friends change, do and say things that they never did before they met their new partner. I’ve seen them put up with things you never thought they would. Be with someone that elicits positive change in you, not someone who causes you to stall in life. We love you and want you to be happy, so please listen to us when we give advice or make a comment. Sometimes you are so into being in love, you aren’t able to see objectively. That’s what we are here for: late night laughs and objectivity.
MY RELATIONSHIPLESS BRETHREN: If you are like me and arent in a relastionship (have never been in a seirious relationship or it’s just been while), we possess a special power the rest of them don’t; we know how to be alone. There is so much power in knowing that your value as a person is not rooted in the time you spend in a relationship. We have a deeper understanding of who we are and what we want in a partner all because we have had so much time to get to know the inner workings of ourselves. There is such a focus among our peers to find a bae (that word gives me chest pains), and we don’t adhere to this obsession, whether by choice or not. WE SHOULD NOT FEEL PRESSURED TO. Let us continue to take our time and hop into this relationship foolishness, when and only when we feel comfortable. Take joy in getting to know yourself. I’ve enjoyed the ride so far and wouldn’t trade in a single second of it for anything else.