After any breakup or falling out, it’s second nature to try to ‘one up’ those who hurt you. Whether this be snide subtweet, an earth shattering Instagram post, or sharing a song on your story that perfectly describes how you feel, sometimes subtle revenge can be therapeutic. But after experiencing all different types of conflict, breakups, and friend groups during my college career, I think there’s an untapped strategy out there – being unbothered.
The power of being unbothered lies in the concept of protecting your peace. By being unbothered, you are communicating to those praying on your downfall that you couldn’t even bat an eye at their bullsh*t if you wanted to – they’re that irrelevant.
But speaking from experience, it’s so hard to be unbothered. When I’m mad at someone, all I want to do is prove that I’m better than them – as embarrassing as it sounds. But with being unbothered comes knowing your worth. By knowing your worth, nothing – not even a terrible breakup or a huge falling out with a friend – can make you doubt yourself or make you feel like you have to prove yourself to others.
So the next time you’re plotting your revenge post, remember that your silence speaks louder than words. While it may feel like you’re backing down, you’re not only being the bigger person but you’re also indirectly getting back at those who wronged you; nothing is more unsatisfying than seeing the person who did you wrong happy and unbothered.
So don’t rush to delete all your posts with your ex-partner/friend (unless they did something really bad in which, have at it). Instead, leave them wondering “Why haven’t they deleted this yet? I wonder if they’re going to post something about me. I want to know how they’re doing.” There is nothing more unsettling than uncertainty – use that to your advantage.
At the end of the day, everyone copes with conflict in a different way. But as a senior who is finally escaping the drama that is college, I’ve realized that sometimes it’s not worth wasting your effort on someone who wasn’t even worth your friendship. Being unbothered not only sends a message of self-confidence and maturity to your foes, but it also reassures something for yourself: I am not going to let others’ opinions of me affect my opinion of myself. And let that bother your enemies.