#StopAsianHate. To be honest, I didn’t know how to feel when this movement materialized, because though I’m young enough where social reform has always been the forefront of news and media, I’m old enough to have grown up in a time where race barriers affected my views and actions. I’m accustomed to the idea that I should keep my head down, never complain. Work hard to show my worth, never draw attention. My parents, who immigrated from Taiwan in the 1980s, raised us in with this behavior as a form of subconscious protection from outright racism. They once told me that I couldn’t stop others from judging me: “When they see you, they will know you are different. When they read your name, they will know you are different. They will expect more from you, and you will have to meet their higher expectations or you will not get the same privileges as others.”
In this time where Asian hatred and suffering is receiving more exposure than ever, I still sometimes want to crawl in a hole whenever I see a post or a headline because it directly draws attention to my identity. I see videos and pictures of Asian elderly beaten bloody and other undeserving members of the AAPI community and my mental health is sent straight to rock bottom. While I truly believe these events need to receive proper awareness to rally support for these peoples, it also sparks debate and shows that plenty of people out there still hold no regard for racial equality. For me, seeing hate comments and even the posts themselves is like having to relive the trauma and pain I went through to accept my cultural differences in the beginning. The negativity that I thought I destroyed seems to be remolding itself from cracks in the ground right before my eyes.
In no way do I share my words and describe the emotional toll I personally feel to condemn the #StopAsianHate movement. I wholeheartedly assert that we must keep AAPI equality in discussion, and we must never stop standing up for ourselves because we deserve as much awareness as all other racial identities, even though we are seen as the model minority. The purpose of my writing is to actually show that even with my perspective, as an Asian American female who I’m sure 90% of strangers would automatically assume is Chinese, 90% of racists/xenophobes would believe that I deserve to be harmed for bringing “kung flu” to the world, and 90% of everyone around me subconsciously believing that I fit the model minority frame in some way, I am extremely proud of my Asian heritage. I’ve noted here five of the infinite simple thoughts pop into my head randomly that remind me I wouldn’t think of them otherwise unless I was Asian, and that I would never want to change that part of me. I believe they stand for themselves:
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An Asian restaurant should be judged by its kitchen (the dirtier, the better).
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Tiger balm is probably the answer.
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The thermostat is really just for decoration.
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Hotel amenities are home amenities.
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Everyone is an aunt or uncle.