Disclaimer: Please read with caution. This article is meant to be a funny satire. The opinions expressed in this article do not reflect the authors’ or Her Campus BC’s feelings towards or positions on any of the topics covered below. Thank you for your understanding.
Whether you’re a diva who gets her nails done on a weekly basis or a diva who has a whole stash of nail polish in her room, you have to admit that nail painting is an almost essential part of being a girl. If there’s anything more girly than painting your nails, it may be your knack for overanalyzing things. So if there’s anything “girlier” than overanalyzing your nail colors, please let me know!
The go-to idea is that red is the color of passion, love, daringness, and drama. But let’s be real, if you’re painting your nails red, you want to feel sexy. That is all. You read somewhere along the line that red is the color boys are most attracted to, so like why not give it a try. I mean you’re single, so anything that helps, right? Or maybe it’s Valentine’s Day… oh wait and we’re back to being single and trying to be sexy.
You can’t even consider pink as one nail color: there’s neon pink, light pink, hot pink, and pink. Pink is the color most girls feel safe wearing on their nails. It might shout girly, but it’s truly simple. It’s perfect, really. Neon pink, or any neon color, should only be worn in the summertime (if at any time) if you are attempting to give off an “I’m wild” vibe without looking like a highlight exploded in your hands. Light pink says sweet, and hot pink says hot (duh). You really can’t go wrong with pink! Unless it’s neon.
Sure, blue is the color of the ocean and correlates with calmness, but if you’re wearing blue on your nails you are anything but calm. You are fun and you want people to know it. You might be dreaming about summertime, but that’s just because you want even more fun. Truly, the color pops right off your hands, so you’re telling the world that everything about you is spontaneous. Watch out!
Some may like to believe that green nails mean you are nature-friendly and love the environment. Truly, they mean you don’t know what you’re doing. Even if you’re favorite color is green, there is no reason to put that on your nails. Let us not forget, green is the color of fungus. Do you want to look like you have fungus on your nails? Mhm.
This color may stand for royalty, confidence, and creativity, but let’s be honest: your nails were pink last week and purple is the second girliest color. Or you could be attempting to look less-girly because painting your nails isn’t girly at all if it’s in purple—ha!
6. Orange, Yellow, Neon
Please refer to number four and your green-wearing friends.
You’re easy going and natural… well, at least you’re doing a good job pretending that you are. You are so high maintenance that you actually took time to try to make your nails give off the low maintenance vibe. Or you’re so low maintenance that your neutral nails are actually unpainted, completely undone nails and you need to get yourself together.
There’s no reason to lie to ourselves about our choice in nail colors. We all want our nails to be pink. And sometimes red. And occasionally blue. But sometimes they’ll be purple and that’s okay, too. If you’re painting your nails any other color… well, it’s ultimately your choice…