Last night I had a few drinks and then saw this really cute guy who I always see at this Mod. So we talked for a little and then hooked up.
“Who are you texting?” “My boyfriend.” “Wait, you have a boyfriend? How come I’ve never met him?” “Well, we’re close online and through texting, but we don’t really talk in person.”
I know it was really late, but he texted me that I should come over and that he missed me. I mean, I know I probably shouldn’t have, but I did.
We’ve all heard them. Stories of regret, pride, nonchalance, or love permeate most conversations the day after that hookups happen. They’re the conversations that feed our love lives (or our lack thereof). It’s the same reason we watch shows like Gossip Girl and Glee.
However, there are some relationships at Boston College that are just plain odd. They perplex us and make us wonder, “Why do girls put themselves through that? What’s wrong with them?” We ask ourselves why girls don’t want something more normal (whatever that is) in a relationship. While these stories pique our interest, they leave us wondering why women use such desperate measures to find romantic or sexual approval from the opposite sex.
A survey of about fifty-nine students at Boston College (both men and women from all four grades) reveals what BC students find odd about different types of relationships.
The Long-Distance Relationship
Many students consider the long-distance relationship to be bizarre. A long-distance relationship results in a lack of constant contact between you and your significant other. Basically, if you date someone at a different university your relationship is considered long-distance. And yes, a BC-BU relationship could be considered long-distance. The length of the relationship doesn’t matter – BC students are still perplexed by the idea that two people living apart could be in a romantic relationship. This notion of contact seems to be a key factor in the way we perceive relationships. Although we may live in world of cell phones and computers, both guys and girls still crave that personal interaction that can be achieved only face-to-face.
The Virtual Relationship
Although these aren’t common at Boston College, they still exist and many BC students think they’re strange. A virtual relationship is when people use websites like Facebook and programs, like Skype to meet people. These simulated forms of interaction mean that the two people never meet, but still carry on a romantic (or even sexual) relationship. Like the long-distance relationship, the virtual one lacks the human interaction that we associate with romance. This shouldn’t dissuade anyone from using technology to communicate, but human interaction is needed in conjunction with computers in order to gain a more stable relationship.
The Sexting/Texting Relationship
Similar to the virtual relationship, but with more constancy, is the sexting/texting relationship. The two people carry out text conversations with their cell phones, but when they run into each other on campus the two people don’t say a word to one another. According to my survey, a number of people said that this frequently occurs with some of the people they knew. This form of relationship leaves potential for face-to-face interaction, but it never happens. The two individuals in the relationship don’t want contact, or if one party does, the other doesn’t. The result is that they never interact, even if they live in the same building.
The One-Sided Relationship
Although this isn’t technically a full relationship, it could be considered one. Whether it’s a booty call or an exploitation of resources (as in using the other for their money or meal plan), these relationships only provide fulfillment to one of the parties. One half gets what they want (sex, money, gifts) and the other half gets slighted, always denying what’s actually going on. Sure, this is a relationship, but it’s not the couple-type of relationship we usually think of. While there are two individuals who meet face-to-face, there’s no reciprocation. This lack of fulfillment occurs with every relationship mentioned so far.
The Freshman-Senior Relationship
An age gap of three or four years doesn’t seem like much, but as soon as you throw in the words “freshman” and senior” the gap might as well be twenty years. This relationship is especially odd when you consider how much everyone matures in college. While a few (key word: few) relationships may be built on true affection, the majority of these types of relationships are based on something much different. The older individual is usually looking for something more physical, while the younger person is seeking approval or status. Because of this, the “Freshman-Senior” relationship isn’t what many people think of as a healthy relationship of equal exchange.
The Appa-lationship
Appalachia Volunteers and other service groups are organizations where you can find a deeper understanding of others, as well as possibly find a boyfriend or a girlfriend. With such intense bonding sessions, it’s completely understandable why it’s so easy to connect during the trip. However, gaining a romantic attachment is a completely different story. According to the survey, 44.1% of the questioned students have had a friend in an Appa-lationship, 11.9% have had members of their group start dating, and 5.1% personally formed a relationship because of a service trip. Despite such a large number of people who have found a significant other through service trips, many people still think this type of relationship is odd. This is probably because while the two individuals may seem to have been connected on a deeper level, the only connection that exists is the program itself. After the trip ends and the honeymoon period is over, there is usually nothing left to hold the connection together.
Traditional Relationship vs. Hook-up Relationship
The most revealing part of the survey was that most people said they think the BC hook-up culture is weird, but at the same time agreed that traditional relationships are odd. This is a contradiction, right? It seems we think hooking up is popular, but this isn’t actually the case. This is probably a result of the peer pressure we are faced with everyday. Because BC is known for this hook-up culture, the student population feels the need to conform. While the traditional relationship is not frowned upon, hooks-up – both random and consistent – are considered the norm.
But why should we have to put up with a system that most of us don’t even want? If such a large number of students don’t want an unfulfilling and an emotion-less relationship, they why do we have them? I can’t answer these questions. All I know is that this contradiction is perpetuated each weekend and, hopefully, will eventually be resolved.
Odd relationships vary depending upon your point of view, so what may seem normal to one person may not be to the next. The term “relationship” is ambiguous and can mean several different things. The descriptions above are not a matter of opinion, but rather an attempt to understand the tangled web of romantic or sexual relationships here at Boston College.
No type of relationship is completely wrong or right. It’s all a matter of opinion. BC is a diverse place, so tailor your relationship to your lifestyle choice. That’s all that matters.