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How To Be The Perfect Wingwoman

Ladies, I’m sure we’ve all heard of the wingman.  Sorry boys, but we know how it works.  A guy gets his friends to talk to your friends so that the path to you is free and he can make his move.  Sketchy, you might say?  Well before you judge, my fellow collegiettes™, let’s take a look at female version of the wingman:  the wingwoman.

Now I’ve done my fair share of playing the game.  I know when to smile.  I know when to sip my drink and glance over the glass (read:  the red Solo cup I happen to be holding, this is college) at him.  And I know how to make my way over to the guy I want to talk to at a party.  Whether I end up talking to him is an entirely different story.  The point is I know the tricks when it comes to landing a man at a party for myself.  But I was confronted with a challenge some weekends ago.  I needed to guide my jittery and overzealous girl friend who kept saying, “But guys, I don’t do this ever,” in an amazingly whiny voice.  And thus my journey as a wingwoman began. 
There are three different situations a wingwoman may find herself in:

  1. Paving the way to a man or woman who is already a long-time friend
  2. Connecting a woman with a classmate cutie
  3. Wingwomaning towards the unknown boy or girl

Side note:  keep in mind that you could be wingwomaning for your straight friends or your GLBTQ friends.  Just to keep it simple, I’m going to use my experience setting my girl friend up with a guy friend.

Situation 1:  The long-time friend
It begins with a party, filled with mostly friends.  It’s casual until one of you starts texting.

“Who are you texting?”
I asked my friend.
“Oh, just this guy… Should I invite him to the party?  I kind of want to hang out with him,” my friend answered.

As a dutiful wingwoman should, I asked my friend to spill the beans.  Probably the most important rule about wingwomaning:  know the person you’re dealing with and the story that is woven around him.  You need to know how your friend met him and where.  How often do they hang out?  Do they hug when they see each other?  Have they taken classes together?  Have they ever partied together before?  All essential information.

Once you’ve gathered the necessary info, you can begin your work.  It starts with a text.  Familiarize yourself with your friend’s texting style and his responses before writing anything.  You may need to use a little force here because your friend may be anxious about having you text for her.  An easy fix is to write something and show it to your friend before sending it, but the trick is not to show it to her for too long to prevent her from second-guessing it.  Remember that your goal is to help pave the way to this man or woman for your friend.
Now because this is a friend we’re dealing with the texts must, I repeat, must remain as casual as possible and MUST NOT turn into sexts.  The game is over if they realize what’s going on, and they will figure it ou if you sext them.  It’s too risky with a friend.
Ideally, the texts will lead to an invite to join your friend at the party.  After this has been accomplished, you need to make sure your friend knows how she’s going to greet him and what she’s going to say.  Now at this point, you want to be less friendly and more flirty.  If your friend is convinced (like mine was) that she doesn’t do this sort of thing, convince her otherwise.  It’s your job as a wingwoman.
Practice saying hi.  (This was a problem for my friend, who somehow decided she was going to greet him in a bro-ish manner… here’s another link.)  Make sure your friend’s attire isn’t sloppy.  And make sure your friend has appropriate conversation topics in the back of her mind, just in case.  The reason I say appropriate is that we don’t want to have a situation where your friend starts talking about the weather.  That’s boring, unless you know how to speak about the weather in French.

Now, the easiest way to ensure conversation between your friend and her guy is to be there and participate in it.  Wait until he says hello to your friend and then approach the two.  If your friend doesn’t catch the drift, introduce yourself to him as your friend’s good friend.  Don’t say you’ve heard a lot about him.  That’s creepy.  Even if you think he won’t think too much of it, it’s still creepy.
If it’s a guy you both know, let your friend greet him first.  And then say hi.  Talk minimally, just enough to fill the gaps in the conversation.  You want to make your friend look as vibrant as possible.
Slowly you need to ease your way out of the conversation.  Offer to get them drinks, and take a little too long so as to let the conversation switch to a different topic not involving you.  Soon it’ll be the perfect time for you to edge your way away from your friend and her boo.  Linger nearby for a while just for reassurance’s sake or in case of an emergency.
Your job as a wingwoman has been successfully executed and you are now free to find some boy for yourself or just to hang out, whichever you prefer.

Situation 2:  The Classmate Cutie
This one’s a little easier.  Ideally, the classmate cutie hasn’t seen you before, so you’re free to do things that would otherwise be embarrassing, such as glancing over too often, staring, walking by too often, etc.

Your job as a wingwoman will occur whenever you and your friend happen to run into said cutie.  This means that you need to be fully aware of the situation and vigilant at all times.  You also need to develop a code name to avoid saying his real name and risk being overheard.
Here’s what happened to me:  my friend labeled her classmate cutie as “future boyfriend.”  Perfect, isn’t it?
We ran into him frequently at the Plex and at Lower.  My job was to find excuses for myself and my friend to be within a few yards of him at all times.  So if he was in boyland pumping iron, I suddenly decided I needed to work out my arms and crossed over to boyland announcing this.  My friend would naturally follow me and would then take on the role of standing there and looking pretty while I huffed and puffed lifting weights.  She would be in his field of vision, I would convince her to catch his eye which would then give her the opportunity to go over and say hi.


Lower is a little trickier because there are only so many times a girl can get up for more food before she looks like a crazy person.  I usually stick with the number 3.  First, make sure you find the best route to your seat that passes by the classmate cutie.  Second, you need napkins and your friend needs a fork. Take a different route that gets a little closer to him.  Make sure that as you walk, your friend is turned towards you, which also happens to be the direction in which he is sitting.
Third, you convince your friend she wants ice cream for dessert.  She walks alone on the route that’s closest to him and glances over, fully knowing he knows that she’s walking by, and smiles.  This can either end at the innocent smile or can provide a way to go over and talk to him.  As a wingwoman, sit patiently and wait for your friend to finish talking with her classmate cutie.

Situation 3:  The Unknown
More often than not, your friend will not need a wingwoman to talk to a boy she doesn’t know.  This is simply because it doesn’t matter if you make a fool of yourself in front of someone you don’t know and probably won’t ever run into again. 

The wingwoman’s job at this point is minimal and involves:

  • Making sure said friend is not sloppy looking
  • Reassuring said friend that the cute unknown is looking at her
  • Providing a confidence booster for said friend… usually along the lines of “your boobs look great in that shirt”
  • Saving said friend if unknown cutie turns her down or turns out to be a creeper (see  definitions 2, 4, 5, and 7)

As you can probably tell by now, a wingwoman really doesn’t interact with the target that much.  A wingwoman’s most basic and purest task is to be a reassuring voice in the ear of a nervous friend.  She must be a confidence booster and a guide, and even more importantly, be someone to go back to after rejection.  As collegiettes™, we’ve probably all experienced those moments of weakness when a cutie walks in the room, and you suddenly feel like Eminem.  Having a wingwoman by your side in these moments can sometimes be the only thing preventing you from keeling over and fainting… I exaggerate, but only by a little.

So if you ever suddenly find yourself in a wingwoman situation, embrace it and remember these tips.  And enjoy the ride, because it can be one hell of an adventure!

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