I guess I’ll be filling in for Ned Digby for all of you freshman. As much as I’ll try to help, you’ll inevitably embarrass yourself and everyone will know you’re a freshman. That’s just how college works. But, with my overflowing vault of experience with embarrassing and awkward situations, I figure I can save you a few slip-ups and keep your freshman status on a lower profile.
Trays
If you’re reading this article and you’ve used a tray in the dining hall, you’re not alone. But, if you’re STILL using a tray, stop immediately. No one can explain why, but we just don’t use the trays. They are inexplicably reserved for the visiting families with their dewy-eyed high school junior or senior, or for the group of middle school kids down the street on their class field trip. And of course, for oblivious freshmen. If you want to come off as least freshmen-like as possible, nix the tray.
Maloney Elevators
The Maloney Elevators (god-sends) serve one purpose, and one purpose only: to avoid the million dollar stairs. In order to do so, we take the elevator up to the 4th floor and then walk from there. If you have anywhere else to be in Maloney besides the 4th floor, do NOT take the elevator. People (myself totally including) lose their minds when they see a light for the 2nd or 3rd floor on the elevator pad. It slows down the process of getting to class, and you’ll have 20 dagger-filled eyes at your back. Unless you’re physically impaired or you’re over 65, don’t take the elevator to any floor lower than four.
Hockey Chant
Although football is here and now, hockey season comes soon. Being from Minnesota, I grew up watching hockey games, and chanting some questionable phrases with my fellow high school goons. But, if you’re not from the state of hockey (looking at you Cali), you’ll want to know what everyone is saying during the infamous chant for when we score a goal. Sieve: it’s basically a strainer. So in real world talk, a goalie is a “sieve” when he lets the puck through the net—(straining it through the net.) We all yell, “sieve” at the goalie and tell him that he “sucks at life and goaltending.” It’s great.
Party Scene
Off-campus houses and the mods are usually pretty solids bets for parties on the weekends. However, it’s important to know the people living in either the house or mod. It’s NOT ok to walk up to a house/mod having a party and pretend to know somebody there or not have been invited. It’s definitely not cool to walk around aimlessly in the mods or off-campus and try to get into whatever party you see. Make sure you have some kind of connection to where you’re going—it’ll save you some serious Junior and Senior rage.
Hope this article helps, freshmen! I leave you now with this: Learn from your experiences and uncomfortable situations to help other freshman and those that come after you. We’re excited to have you as Eagles!
Photo Sources:
http://bestseriestv.net/manual-de-supervivencia-escolar-de-ned/
http://news.medill.northwestern.edu/chicago/news.aspx?id=214842
https://atravellingsalesman.wordpress.com/category/europe/