Does it ever feel like you’re constantly running yourself ragged, keeping up with myriad commitments that never seem to stop? All of it’s good, of course, but it can certainly be exhausting! Schoolwork, clubs, sports, friends, parties, work, boys….
Ah, boys. Let’s talk about that oh so important piece of college. Now, it may seem that the hard part is finding that special guy on campus to call your boyfriend, but oftentimes, once you do, the hard part is balancing that campus life with a relationship – making significant time for each other without losing out on all the great parts of being immersed in a campus environment. It can be done, girls, never worry!
For me, this fall has been an adjustment period: I transferred out of BC after my freshman year, and have now returned for my senior year. While I couldn’t be happier, it’s a whole different world, and definitely takes some getting used to! I’m back with all of my best friends, living in a mod on one of the most beautiful campuses in the country, and for the first time in our relationship, I am in the same place as my boyfriend. Weird, right? We didn’t start dating until our sophomore year, during which I moved back to New York, so we’ve been long distance until about a month ago. So – a different experience? Without a doubt. But we’ve been figuring it out pretty well, and I’ve put together some tips to help those of you already in an on-campus relationship, or those of you looking to begin one!
Most importantly, you need to communicate with your boyfriend. Obviously being single in college is different than being in a relationship; it’s something that you two need to discuss, and acknowledge that it is in fact a pretty big adjustment. It’s easy to want to think that everything will just naturally fall into place because hey, you love each other right? (Or at least like each other enough to want to be exclusive!) But unfortunately, it’s not that simple – bringing together two lives can be tricky. So the first step is talking about the fact that things will be different!
Secondly, you need to fight the urge to spend every waking (and most likely sleeping) second with your boyfriend! Not to say you shouldn’t spend a lot of time together, but it’s essential not to simply merge your life with your boyfriend’s to the point where your friends, families, and even you, start to think only in terms of “we,” and never in terms of “I.” It isn’t selfish – in fact, it’s healthy to spend time apart; after all, we’re all still figuring out who we want to be and how we want to get there right now.
Thirdly, make time for your friends – girls and guys! In my case, my boyfriend and I have mostly the same group of friends, but it’s important to spend time with those friends separately as well as together – you’ve always had independent relationships before, so now it shouldn’t be any different. So go out with your friends one-on-one or in a group once in a while, even if your boyfriend isn’t around. Your friends will be happy to have you with them, and you can return to your boyfriend later. Similarly, if your groups of friends get along, it’s important to hang out together as well! When your guy is also your friend, it makes the best kind of relationship. And at the same time, let him hang out with his friends without you – it doesn’t mean there’s a problem, or he doesn’t want to be with you. You’ll thank yourself later, trust me!
Also very important, girls, is to trust in your friendships – don’t neglect them. In the beginning of this year, my boyfriend and I definitely experienced that adjustment period (probably still now to some extent!), and I confided in some girlfriends. They were there for me completely, even though I had just come back and was unsure of some things. I can’t thank them enough – I feel very lucky to have them in my life, and I know I need to always keep improving at making time for these special friendships.
Fourthly, keep involved on campus – whether that means playing a sport, participating in a club, or just keeping up with all of your schoolwork. It’s essential to maintain those personal dimensions, to engage in those experiences, and to make sure you’re nurturing the “you” part of your couple. Of course, it’s important to make time for your boyfriend’s needs as well, and to help him out when you can, but just keep in mind that it shouldn’t be at the expense of your own work – you shouldn’t be making all the sacrifices, even if he hasn’t asked you to do so.
Finally, the key to making an on campus (or “short distance!”) relationship work effectively, and in a balanced manner, is to be happy. Sounds strangely simple? It is! If you’re with someone you truly care about, then eventually, with a bit of consciousness and effort, all the pieces of the puzzle will fit together. Embrace all the wonderful opportunities that come with the college campus experience, particularly the people that engender those experiences. Your boyfriend will inevitably be a huge part of that, and if you follow these tips, a great part as well!
Photo Sources:
http://sumtinprecious.blogspot.com/2012/07/sumtin-important-is-your-life-in.html