When I first started college, I pictured myself flourishing. A clean slate, where I could be the person I thought I wanted to be. That being: an extrovert with desires to socialize with as many people as I could in my first year. Easier said than done of course.
Not only did I lose one of my dearest off campus friends in the third week of classes, It took me almost a full school year to even find a few good solid connections. As I wrap up the remainder of my Junior year of undergrad, I got to thinking about the friendships I had, the ones I still have and the ones I hadn’t thought of until recently.That being the relationship with myself.
I won’t lie, mental health is a cruel beast. One that I have struggled with ever since I was younger. That being said, I don’t like to be alone much of the time. I find that I can easily slip into periods of isolation without meaning to. I even now find myself spending more time alone than I would like to. I’ve tried to balance this a bit with clubs and other involvements but there are times where that leaves me feeling exhausted.
Some people would say that it’s easy to balance the want and need of recharge time within our day to day and socializing but it’s so hard. I personally love hanging out with friends, but I also know that I can’t hang out with them all the time. Making peace with the silence and being able to do things solo, has been a tough yet powerful journey for me.
How I started this?
I go to any campus event I want to, even if it’s hard to do so. If a friend comes with me, great! But I’ve found that there is something special about exploring things alone. If you go by yourself you don’t have to worry about leaving at any time, and you don’t have to worry about whether or not your friend is having a good time.
Plus these activities don’t have to be a big event. It can be as simple as eating a meal, walking across campus on a beautiful day or even having a dance party in your bedroom. Reflection and relaxation is always something I try to utilize in my moments with myself. If we don’t check in and keep in tune with ourselves every so often, we can’t expect our relationships and other obligations to run smoothly.
Plus I’ve found that people tend to forget about the simple joy of being in a quiet space. Even if it’s for an hour or so a day, regardless of if we have friends to spend time with or not, we are our own first friends. We deserve love and fun, for ourselves, alone. Even if it’s awkward, I feel like as I keep trying, the more I feel at peace within myself.
If you can sit with yourself with confiendence and grace, others will take notice.
The journey of self love is full of ups and downs, but it’s often as easy as taking a moment to bust a move or have a journal writing session.
Peace is in the limitless possibilities.