It’s a situation that most of us are familiar with—you meet a cute guy at the bar, hit it off, and suddenly you think you may be headed towards Relationship Road. But before you can even seal the night with a planned date, let alone DTR, there’s a sudden roadblock: the hook up.
Now there’s nothing wrong with a hook up on the surface. But after a night of dance floor make outs with your new hottie, the exchange of cell numbers becomes the definition of the relationship. You make plans to meet up again next weekend, and surprisingly that Friday night he follows through. After a rekindled meeting at 17-16 the hook-up flame is bright again, and it’s becoming clear that you’ve solidified your status as friends with benefits. We’ve all seen the rom-coms dedicated to the subject, but unfortunately your guy probably isn’t like Justin Timberlake or Ashton Kutcher—chances are he won’t profess his love for you after a few weekends of steamy nights out with a flash mob singing Semisonic. So just what is a collegiette™ to do?!
There are obviously several options: ignore his future texts, try your best to make him want more, or continue with your established routine. But with each of these choices come possible hiccups.
Ignore His Advances: After becoming familiar with your new guy it’s going to be hard to pretend his weekend invitations aren’t happening. If you are confident in your willpower to ignore him, but lack confidence in your ability to not fall for him, this is the best option for you. The booty call is fun for the time being but at some point one of you will want more (and, due to our nature as women, it’s more likely to be you than him). If you don’t trust yourself to overlook his texts, a wise choice would be to delete his number. Don’t want to do something so permanent? Save his number in a friend’s phone and delete him from yours, just to be on the safe side.
The Hiccup: Drunk texts and dials happen to the best of us, which is why it’s the better choice to delete his number. If you resolve not to be his weekend thing and drunkenly follow through with it, you’ll only end up hating on yourself. Even if you trust yourself not to give in, you might have a different tune after a few drinks. Be proactive if you choose to ignore him and cut his number loose. If he wants something more in the future, he’ll reach out to you.
Make Him Want More: As an Auburn woman, you know you’re a charming, fun, beautiful girl. You don’t see anything wrong with the casual hook up now, but you know it’s not going to last forever. There’s nothing wrong with wanting more, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with laying the groundwork for a possible relationship. Break from routine a little bit—after a few weeks of weekend rendezvous, suggest hanging out at the library or invite him over to pregame before a night downtown. Hanging out away from the bars and before several alcoholic beverages will give you a chance to see if you really like him, and will allow you to show off your sparkling personality in a sober setting.
The Hiccup: In getting to know each other, you may realize you don’t actually want more. His allure is less appealing in the light of day, even though you have so much fun with him on the weekends. While this is totally fine, it could get problematic if you dazzle him a little too much and he suddenly wants more. Or, the reverse, you decide you really like him and he wants to keep things where they are. There’s no clear-cut answer with this one—just a chance you’ll end up getting hurt or hurting him. And sometimes that’s a chance you’ll just have to take.
Following the Routine: You like him, he likes you, and as far as you know neither of you want anything more. And that’s something that works for both of you. You don’t have time for a full-blown relationship between classes, homework, and your extracurriculars, but you aren’t thrilled about spending your weekends as a single girl. He’s hot, he’s fun, a great kisser, and he makes you feel special. He’s got a lot going on too, and the lack of commitment is ideal for him. You’re both free to talk to and flirt with other people, keeping life interesting and full of options. This hook up is working…for now.
The Hiccup: As we see in our favorite films, the no strings attached booty call can only last so long. After some period of time, someone is going to up the ante. Emotions get tied up in hook ups, no matter how hard you try to push them down. One morning you’re going to wake up and realize “crap…I think I’m falling for him”. That’s perfectly all right, great even, but be prepared that he might not feel the same.
There’s a lot that can go wrong in a friends with benefits situation. But that doesn’t mean they’re something to completely avoid. A lot can go right, and you can end up in a great relationship. Just proceed with caution, and remember—hook ups aren’t hiccup-free!