Being in a healthy and happy relationship has been one of the best things that has ever happened to me. However, I didn’t always have the best luck before. Throughout all of highschool, I bounced back and forth between two totally toxic relationships. One of which I was constantly being gaslighted emotionally and sexually manipulated, and of course I can’t forget being cheated on. In the other, I was always treated like a backup option. Not only that, but during these times I was battling some pretty intense mental health issues. By the time I finished highschool, I had become a shell of the person I once was. I had developed extreme trust issues and frequently wore baggy clothing to hide my body since I felt like it was never good enough, that maybe my body was the reason I’d been cheated on in the first place. I didn’t feel like I could ever be enough for someone, I didn’t love myself and I didn’t believe that I was someone that deserved to be loved. I didn’t even know if real love existed anymore– or that I was deserving of it if it did exist.
Then came my freshman year of college; I moved across the country for school and was painstakingly desperate for a homebase the first few weeks I was there (not that I found anyone to fill the position of being my homebase). After a month or so, I gave up and began to become more comfortable with being alone. I wasn’t necessarily comfortable with myself yet, but I stopped looking for validation from a significant other, which was a baby step in the right direction at least. But then love popped up when I least expected it. And it was terrifying.
Suddenly I had this amazing partner, yet I found myself doubting the relationship constantly at first. I was always afraid he would leave me, afraid I wasn’t enough, afraid things were too good to be true. At first, I had to fight the instinct to run before I could get hurt with every bone in my body. As the relationship went on, I began to find myself again. And not the self I was back in highschool, but a new self. I was learning to love myself again, and began to realize what I deserved in a relationship.
Now we have been happily together for over two years, and I have grown so much from this relationship. I’ve learned that real love does exist. A relationship shouldn’t drain you or cause you countless sleepless nights. Love should be kind and warm. It should be the feeling of laying under heaps of blankets on a cold day with hot chocolate in hand. Love has the ability to pull you out of your worst moments and to help you grow into the person you want to be. Whether it be platonic or romantic, love may be one of the most important and life changing things a person can experience.