10 Things That Could Go Very Wrong In Rocky Point, Mexico

1. Seeing People I Don’t Want To

Roughly half of Arizona State University will be in Mexico, and there are some people I would really rather not see, speak to, or breathe the same air as. However, I have no control over their presence. So, yes it may be time for some long overdue confrontations. Let’s just say, they better hope they don’t run into me in my spring break bikini.

2. Losing my Passport 

If this happens, I give permission for someone to slap me with a mango because I’m an IDIOT. Every night I plan to kiss my passport and tuck it back into its very meticulous hiding place before bed,I will not lose it. I’m not just saying that like the way people said Hillary would not lose to Trump but she did. I will not be Hillary.  ***Just want to clarify that does not make me Trump either. 

3. Food Poisoning 

Food in Mexico is not always your friend. It has the potential to cause crippling pain and uncontrollable bowel movements that will definitely keep you company longer than any frat boy there. My current plan is to bring like 10 gallons of water, a ton of RX bars and chicken noodle soup to make it through the week. I hope I can trust myself to eat cautiously and not take whatever taco some friendly person hands me, but folks only time will tell. If I don’t make it back, death by taco.

4. Getting Hurt (Especially On A Banana Boat)

The obvious way to avoid this is to just not ride on a banana boat, right? Yet, me being me, I already gave my pinky away for a promise to be an active participant in the danger and I just don’t have it in me to break it. You better believe I will be looking ridiculous with all my protective gear because in Mexico I really would rather be safe then to be bleeding or drowning. I already pay enough into the health care system in America and don’t need to rack up a medical bill in Mexico. 

5. Losing/Damaging My Laptop 

I went back and forth on whether I should bring my MacBook but every time I came to the conclusion it was better to leave it at home. I had to consider if it was truly worth depriving myself of Netflix. Let’s be honest, it is never the same on your phone. A break is about relaxing, and for me Netflix is a fundamental component of that break. So the laptop comes with and that is that. (Also side note: hard case bought on Amazon and I highly recommend) 

6. Nip Slip Or Just Losing My Top Entirely

So embarrassing, and so likely to happen to me. I was even considering using Krazy Super Glue to hold my top in place, (and also my false eyelashes). Unfortunately, after a careful reading of the warning label, it says to ‘keep away from eyes’ and ‘contact may cause skin burning’. So, probably not my brightest idea. I just want to remain a modest and classy woman this spring break, I still have 3 years of seeing these people around.  

7. Getting Jailed 

GUILTY UNTIL PROVEN INNOCENT? How? What? Why? It doesn’t matter because it is Mexico’s law and I am in their country. I will stay away from anything that looks remotely sketchy. I can’t talk or afford to pay my way out of a jail in a country in which I don’t know the language.

8. Kicked Out Of The Resort 

I am a broke college kid who prefers not to pay even more money than I already have too. I do not fear kicking out any manchild who is acting like a fool in my room. Responsibility is my game, sassy chick on floor 16 is my name. 

9. Sun Burns  

Created as a way of punishment by the sun god for those who lack respect for its power. Catch me even wearing my Alba Botanica SPF 45 sunscreen in my sleep. Seriously. Cancer is real. Future wrinkles are real. Present pain and suffering is real. I'm also bringing a tube of aloe vera just in case. I will defeat the sun.

10. Being Sold To The Drug Cartel 

It was good knowing you world. Good-bye to my dream of becoming a MILF, owning a soft brown labordoodle, having a personal avocado toast chef, befriending Beyoncé and learning the French language. I have to ask myself, are my spring break plans really worth all of the things that could go wrong? Maybe not, but I can’t get a refund now. Guess I’ll find out soon if I have nothing to worry over.