Chandralekha Aandy (your friendly neighbourhood South Indian Aunty): Vyshnevi
Dear Chandu Aandy,
How do I convince my North Indian friends that they’re saying dosha and saambaar wrong? How do I also tell them that I, an Oxford graduate, am genetically wired to call you Aandy and not Aunty?
A helpless Malayalee kutti
Mole,
Just as we can never convince them that I just addressed you affectionately with a term synonymous to Beta and not a skin growth or an (ridiculous looking) animal, we can never win the battle of pronunciation. In all fairness, as long as they don’t call it (commence pretentious English accent) Lentil Vegetable Stew (end pretentious English accent),we can allow it.
Dear Aunty,
My boyfriend insists on having sex without a condom. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to try it, but I have to be cautious. Anyway, how do I tell him I have a side chick?
Clearly you must be some Delhi girl. Oh!Or from the Bangalore. For sure you’re not a Malayalee. We do not have sex. Anyway, why do you have a side chick? Dump your debaucherous excuse of a boyfriend and make your side chick your front chick. Girl-girl sex is not real sex. So Aandy approves.
Charu Aunty: Arya Kulkarni
Charu aunty, I feel left behind with the trends these days. Everything moves so fast that I feel like I can never keep up, and when I do manage to, somehow it feels so performative. How do I change this?
My dear, the only way to really be “cool” and “hep” without it coming off as trying too hard, is to not try at all. You have to be yourself to radiate that positive energy. Forget the trends and do what you feel speaks to your heart and soul. If you want to take inspiration from what everyone else is doing, that’s wonderful. Spread your wings, kanna! But never force anything that doesn’t feel natural. Trends come and go. You must instead be appreciative of timelessness. Feeling like you have to measure up to your peers is natural at your blooming age, but all you really need to do is express yourself openly. When you embrace your true self, that self-love will radiate onto everyone else, and they’ll want to do what you do. In a world where people mindlessly follow the next big thing on that tiktok, be your truest self, and you never have to worry about performing.