Charu Aunty: By Delzeen Singpurwalla
Dear exhausted Ashokan,
I hope you’re having a lovely day! Now that I’ve established my sense of humour, you may retaliate with a, “Subah subah assignment ka chehra dekha, kaahe ka lovely day?” Baccha, I get it, you’re a mess. And because of you, I’m a mess. How can I enjoy my beauty sleep with constant notifications about prompt responses at 4:35 in the morning?! I don’t know whether to laugh or cry when I see your little fatigued faces during 8:30 am lectures. Those circles with the sheen of graphite that orbit your eyes might as well get you the position of a graphite pencil brand ambassador.
Today, I’m not going to lecture you about hydrating yourself or maintaining a 6 hour sleep cycle, we both know that’s bogus. I’m going to share something trivial, but something that might put a smile on your face. Here’s a fun assignment submission technique: start playing the song ‘Pretty Woman’ from Kal Ho Na Ho as you upload your assignment. The moment Shahrukh Khan yells, “Hit it!” press the submit button, and break out into a bhangra routine. Take it easy, Urvashi, and make sure that you don’t have more unread emails than Instagram followers. You bacchas already experience more back pain and take more vitamin supplements than I do!
Yours most concerned-ly,
Charu Aunty.
Charu Aunty’s Amazing (Totally Solicited) Advice: Keerthana Sundarshan
Every conversation is a minefield, and I am an extremely clumsy person. It should not be possible to mess up simple English interactions this much, but I exceed such expectations. I always end up talking too much or too little. What should I do?
—Overly anxious girl
There is no such thing as talking too much or too little, take it from me. Yes, I too have been called ‘chatty’ by many — ha! They have no idea what true chattiness is. You know, it is an honour for them to hear me speak. And the same applies to you, dear. When you are talking, it is their duty to listen to you, and when they are talking, it is your duty to pay them the same respect. I have seen many a young girl trip themselves up (both physically and conversationally) when they second guess every step. Say what you need to say with confidence and listen with care — do this much and you won’t go wrong.
I don’t mean to procrastinate as much as I do, but time seems to take it out of my hands. Even when I have several (or several hundred) critical assignments due, I end up watching random tv shows that I don’t care about until 3 AM. Please send help before I drown in overdue work.
— Girl feeling very foolish and panicked
I find that a light whack to the head with a rolled up newspaper is an excellent remedy to get over procrastination. Self-administered as required, dosage dependent on the mass of the work being put off. But in all honesty, all you need is a mental kick-up-the-backside. Just get off your bed (yes, I know you are sprawled there like a vagrant), sit in your chair, and open your books. You’d be surprised what a difference that bit of effort can make. And if you still can’t find the motivation, I say fake it till you make it. Tell yourself that you’re excited to do this work, or that you’re excited to get it done. Do it often enough, and one day it might even be true!
Charu Aunty