Edited by: Mythili Kamath
I own a lot of clothes, and I mean that objectively.
It’s not like I buy a ton of clothes on a regular basis, but is my wardrobe a collection of things I bought last week and also maybe six years ago? Yes.
My wardrobe is also a collection of my most prized possessions (mostly). And it should be right? It takes up a good chunk of the side of my room.
I spend a lot of time contemplating my outfits, with its doors wide open.
I spend a lot of time looking at myself in the mirror, with its doors wide open.
I spend a lot of time fixing the way things are arranged, with its doors wide open.
So, this is an ode to my clothes.
I have certain tendencies with clothes and the length of time for which I’ve owned them . The older the garment, the more worn it is, the harder it is for me to give it up. The newer the garment, the more I treat wearing it for the first time as a prize, the less likely I am to wear it anytime soon.
I will almost always waste a new outfit on a boring day, disappointing myself and finding refuge in my old clothes, from which I have no expectations but comfort. These clothes have faded, ripped, been spilled on, but my hand jerks away from putting them in the reject pile. Everytime I try, all the days I’ve worn them flash before my eyes, as if the garment is begging to create more memories with me. Of course, it is not my clothes speaking to me. It’s me speaking to myself, associating good memories to my clothes, hoping that I can hold on to them and not treat them as irrelevant bygones. Clothes, especially clothes that were with me while I created some of the best memories of my life, are sacrilegious. Throwing them out accords too much hesitation.
However, when it comes to new clothes, I just refuse to wear them unless something massively important is happening in my life. I need to debut the latest addition to my closet only when everybody is watching. Problem is, when I do decide to debut said article of clothing, it isn’t the ‘latest’ anymore. It’s just another item of clothing gathering dust in my wardrobe, pleading with me to cut its tag and finally own it. I pity it and give it a run.
I recently read Marie Kondo’s book ‘The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up’ in an attempt to keep myself busy right after my board exams. It pushed me to look at everything in my closet and ask the classic question: ‘Does this spark joy?’
It took me a total of three days, loads of introspection and a shit-ton of flashbacks to sort through my entire cupboard, but I was only left with the items of clothing I treasure. This experience helped me understand the unused bounty of clothes I have, and how disposable I had treated my clothes. With a pang of guilt, I thanked the clothes that I rejected and made a solemn promise to myself to not buy something unless I knew I would treasure it for years.
I should respect all my clothes enough to wear them out.
However, all the clothes in my cupboard are not mine. I have a fair proportion of borrowed clothing. I usually do not borrow clothes, but if I do, it means that I truly adore you.
I don’t trust myself in clothing that I have not personally vetted and sized to fit to perfection on myself. I don’t expect to feel like myself in someone else’s clothing. All I expect is to wrap myself in a part of their individuality, experiencing what it is like to be them. Experiencing what it feels like to wear that article of clothing. Do I feel comfortable? Confident? Bold? Shy? Cute? Beautiful? It’s a great way to get to know the ones I love and cherish.
So what is my closet full of? It’s full of armor. It’s full of confidence and beauty and a vibe that represents me. It’s not coded to an aesthetic, nor does it have expensive clothes or majorly new clothes. It’s a collection of my past that I have purposefully held on to, it ismy present and my future.
Hello!
Hope you’ve been having a good semester so far :)
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this article, it was so beautiful and relatable and a lot of things you pointed out are things I have gone through as well. As someone who consumes a lot of fashion influencer content, it is very easy for me to get sucked into the whole “omg i need so many new clothes, all of the clothes i have are just ew” mindset, which is really not how i want to be thinking. Your whole experience with clothes really resonated with me because I am strongly attached to my clothes as well.
The last paragraph was just exceptional honestly, I think it concluded your entire story excellently while also bringing to light why your clothes are so important to you. Just really enjoyed reading this piece, I’m really glad I got to.
As usual, I’ve left some minor grammatical edits. Do go through them and let me know what you think of them!