Edited by: Sahana Inuganti
Before I got on campus, I went to a school that gave me a uniform to wear for every day of the week. And because six days of the week went into just going to that school, my Sundays were spent lazing around the house in whatever I had slept in the night before. Now that I’m at Ashoka, I’ve suddenly begun to care about the things I wear. Some part of it is because everyone around me just always looks like a superstar, but it’s also because here, it finally feels like I can express myself without judgement. If I told my friends back home that I plan my outfits they wouldn’t believe me, and yet here we are.
Sunday, 11:28 p.m.
I just finished my last assignment, and I’m about to collapse. I don’t know who said that weekends are for catching up with sleep, but I haven’t slept at all since Thursday. All I want is to shut my eyes, but I just know I’m going to wake up barely in time for my 8:30 a.m. tomorrow, and I don’t have an outfit ready. Why is it that everyone looks so put together all the time? It’s not as if people didn’t look good back home, it’s just that I can never seem to effortlessly pull that kind of look off. Okay, okay, I’m up, I’ll plan now and sleep right after.
11:45 p.m.
I think I’ve decided on this patterned, tea-sleeved top I found on some Instagram store and maybe wide-legged jeans. It’s a really revealing outfit, you can actually see most of my waist. The thing is, I’ve never worn something like this before – or rather, I’ve never been comfortable enough to wear something like this. My mother no longer asks why I haven’t put on a jacket over whichever midriff-exposing shirt I have on today, and I think that’s remarkable. It is wild to me that she’s comfortable with the way I dress here.
11:57 p.m.
I need shoes. I only brought 3 pairs of shoes – and one of those are slippers for the bathroom – because who would’ve thought that I’d need this much diversity in my footwear? But I’m glad I brought heels because I think I will wear them tomorrow. I already know that my ankles will be complaining non-stop by the end of the day, but I just feel so confident when I’m in these heels. Thank you, universe, for creating heels.
12:18 a.m.
I have been looking at accessories for the last half hour because I read somewhere that they are the most important, eye-catching part of your outfit. I just want to know what the point of the rest of the outfit is if this is the only thing that catches someone’s eye. Why can’t I wear pyjamas and then a really fancy, goth, triple-layered necklace? You know what, the thing is, I actually could. People really, really wear whatever they want to. I think it’s so pretty to see everyone being able to express themselves. If nowhere in the outside world, at least here.
12:23 a.m.
What if I look bad in this? I’ve just gone to bed and now I’m overthinking every decision I’ve made in the last hour. Maybe I should get up and try the stupid outfit on. No, no, I’m way too tired for this. I honestly don’t think anyone cares. I was so sure that I’d be hyper-aware of what I look like all the time but I’m not. I know that sounds a bit iffy, given that I’ve just spent my Sunday night with my head buried in my wardrobe, but honestly, once I’m out on the lawns, I actually feel pretty comfortable. It’s like we’re living in this bubble of self-expression where we can wear what we want, and no one will look twice. Unless, of course, it is to compliment the outfit. It’s probably reflective of a lot of other attitudes here, where you can be your own person, and no one gets to say anything. Sure, this stuff might not fly in the real world, and the second we step out of these gates we’ve got to police ourselves so much more than we had to in here, but having this space to just be for a while is really kind on my heart.