Edited by: Mohan Rajagopal
There are suitcases lining the floors of my room. My closet feels empty and my bookshelves stare at me as if they know I’m going to leave them soon. Assuming I don’t receive a very nicely-worded surprise email telling me that there has been a change of plans, I’m about to move out of my home for the first time in eighteen years. I’m really excited, but I’m also just a little bit sad. Here’s a list of things I know I’m going to miss:
1. My lights.
The lights in my room are painfully bright. There’s three of them, and I absolutely have to have all of them on the second the sun goes down. My mother says it looks like it’s daytime at 7:00 p.m.and that I’m going to drive up the electricity bill, but I need it that way. From the glimpses of dorm rooms that I’ve caught when people turn their videos on in class, they don’t look like they’re nearly as bright. I wonder what I’m going to do about that.
2. Cry spot.
There’s this one spot on the floor of my room, where if I sit down and slouch just a tiny bit, anyone who walks in will not be able to see me. I can lean against the side of my bed, stare at the wall, and have whatever breakdown is due this week. How am I meant to cry if my roommate is in the room with me? What if someone walks in and just sees me sitting on the floor? I would want to crawl into the earth and stay there if the people next door come in to borrow an eraser and find me bawling my eyes out to a Taylor Swift playlist.
3. Lunch hour.
There’s this brilliant change in my timetable this semester that doesn’t leave me enough time to get lunch three days a week. My parents know that I have a ten-minute window, from 1:20 to 1:30, where I have to run to the kitchen, inhale some food and get back to my computer. On some days I’m tired, and they keep a plate ready for me. On video calls with my friends, I’ve seen their parents bring them cut fruit or a bowl of ice cream without being asked. How will I replace that quiet love when I’m so far from home?
4. Sunrise couch.
I wake up really early. Abnormally early. And when the house is quiet and the birds haven’t quite woken up yet, I like to pour my morning coffee (it’s actually milk, but I’m too embarrassed to admit that I still drink milk) and sit on the couch. It’s cold enough to be refreshing but not cold enough to need a sweater. So, I sit there, and I watch the sunrise. I was talking to my roommate about this because I was worried that she would think something was wrong if I set my alarm for 5 a.m. every day, and she laughed. Then she said she hoped we would be able to see the sun from our room. I didn’t think about that. I really hope we can see the sun from our room.
5. My neighbourhood.
I love the place I grew up. The streets are pretty, there are trees everywhere and the people are lovely. I know the man who sells pani puri on the street corner. The store next to that always has a bag of chips with my name on it. My friends are right next door if I need them. The road on which I learned how to ride a bike still has that same pothole that made me fall. Opposite my house is a tree from which I’ve been plucking starfruit for years. This place raised me. How can I leave?
We have always found comfort in familiar places. It’s what makes houses feel like homes. But we have also known how to seek that comfort in new places, again, and again, and again, as we move on with our lives. Thousands of students have made this move before me, and I’m sure they had things that warmed them back home. That doesn’t mean they didn’t find new things to warm them wherever they went from there.
Maybe I’ll string up fairy lights and look directly into them when it gets dark (that can’t be good for my eyes). One of my seniors told me that she’s seen at least five rooms with designated breakdown spots for when their residents have seven different things due that night. My friends have promised me that they’ll save me a sandwich to eat when I get back from my lunch hour classes. I’d love to do the same for them. When I come home in the summer, I already know I’ll have a new list of things I will miss.
And as for the other two – I’ve heard that the campus is beautiful. I know that the people are wonderful. I don’t think it will be too hard to fall in love with my newest home.