Edited By: Lavanya Goswami
Picture this: I’m on my bed, on the verge of Shaking it off and getting some shit done, trying to get over some dude (don’t ask which one).
Reputation: I’m so proud of you. Slay. Go get ’em. Campus doesn’t know what is hitting them today, they are not Ready for It.
Folklore: Forget it. Take that Cardigan and sweep yourself under it. Just let your emotions drown you today. Write poetry. Cry. Be sad. Be hopeful. Be anything but feel it so deeply that it totally consumes you. We hate ourselves here.
Reputation: Don’t listen to her, please. Are you really going to be that girl? I know you wanted you both to be End Game but you gotta do better. Get up and dance. Go see someone else! Didn’t you think that guy from class was cute? Stop being a crybaby.
Folklore: You’re gonna be that Mad Woman everyone talks about if you keep moving on from one person to the next that easily. OK now where were we? Oh ya, your first crush from 2012! There’s no way you’re over him. You were soooo into him! It would have been fun if he could have been the 1, wouldn’t it? You were something, don’t you think so?
Reputation: Folklore, you’re amazing for getting her all in her feels and making her write poetry, but she doesn’t need this right now. You never listen. You’re supremely impractical. Do better. This is exactly why we can’t have nice things.
Okay fine. Shut Up both of you. I don’t care. I have bigger problems to deal with usually, but I just got a text from my ex. Oh god. Oh no no no. Why does my entire life center around testosterone?
Folklore: ALL ALONG THERE WAS AN INVISIBLE STRING TYING HIM TO YOU! Go back to him. Do it. You know you want to. He will give you all the love you deserve. Unless you want to go back to your summer fling, remember? Gosh that was fun. We fell in love even though we went on just one date. Wanting was truly enough. I am such a lovelorn.
Reputation: Ew, more like he’ll give you the validation you always crave from external sources because you always play the damn victim card and think you cannot be enough for yourself. You don’t love drama, it loves you. Go to a bar, find a cute guy, be confident. Make a move, tell him he’s Gorgeous. Starting over, it might be delicate, but he could meet you in the back. It’s extremely lame for you to go back to your ex. Only Folklore could be so pathetic.
Folklore: I know all I do is try, try, try but loving someone hopelessly isn’t bad. If you love once, you will most probably love them forever. Maybe not the same way, but it stays. It will make you sad, but it will also make you feel love. Isn’t that enough?
Reputation: Ya sure, enough to basically become Kanye West. It’s a piteous and doleful thing to do. Go ghost, you deserve someone better. He was a narcissist. He used you. This is how the world works, you gotta leave before you get left. Don’t chase, attract. It’s high time, because your reputation has never been worse, so he must like you for you.
Midnights: I’m sorry to interrupt you both, but it’s not your fault. SHE is the one who can’t take decisions for herself, she fucks up the simplest things. It’s high time she realises that. It’s her. She’s the problem, it’s her. You both at least have strong opinions. Why can she never decide? Isn’t it always exhausting rooting for the antihero?