The Holidays can be the biggest relief after finals. You get to retreat home after a long and sometimes grueling semester, eat all the food, and get all the sleep. Then, the god-awful weird aunt comes up and pinches your checks like you’re an 8-year-old kid again. Or, you father tries to talk to you about your sex life in college. No. No no. I’ve come up with a few escape plans to avoid this.
- Don’t say anything.
What papa doesn’t know won’t hurt him, right? If you get the weird interrogation about your future just clam up and zip the trap. You are an adult. They should need a warrant to ask you these types of questions.
- Play dead.
Digressing from #1, after you shut your trap just fall to the ground and play dead. I can guarantee you that this will get people off your case of “do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?”
- Put that final paper to use.
You probably sacrificed multiple nights to finish your final paper for the semester that was due just days ago. Why not keep a copy of it in your pocket and when your uncle asks what your planning on doing for the rest of your life just hand him the paper and flee. Do not turn back.
- Musical interlude.
There’s a reason why fantastic movies break into some sort of musical montage. It gets rid of all the awkward moments. If you are stuck between a rock and your old English teacher telling you your Facebook statuses are grammatically incorrect, just whip out some High School Musical tune. Let’s be real, everyone in our generation knows all the words. If you don’t, you are only lying to yourself.
- Give ‘em a good whippin’.
If an old high school acquaintance suddenly wants instantly become your hometown flirtatious best friend for the break and you are not down with that, just give them the old 1, 2. Trust me, everyone gets the right message.
I hope one of these tips can be beneficial to you this holiday season. They can help make the family reunions, class parties, and grocery store bump ins a little more tolerable. You can now march into that gas station with pride knowing that if anyone tries to ask you about your life, you will know exactly what to do.
Photos courtesy of Tumblr…and Norman Reedus.