We hear words like “awareness,” “caution,” and “prevention.” We are warned about excessive alcohol use, walking at night, and even “roofies.” We see shows like Law and Order: Special Victims Unit and see articles in Cosmopolitan. Sadly, it seems that the most important aspects of sexual assault are rarely being covered.
When I got to college, I had been lectured on and read about all of the general safety tips for women. We see them all the time and are continually warned by parents. We know we are supposed to make our own drinks, never walk alone, and never drink too much to be “taken advantage of.” Sadly, society falls short on several aspects when it comes to sexual assault; we never realize this issue is incredibly real, we put our focus of prevention on women instead of men, and society continually forgets to teach women what to do if it actually happens. As college women facing a wide spread issue, we need to understand these three major flaws.
During my freshman year I knew what I was supposed to do and not do, as do most girls. However, it seems that the minute lipstick goes on and we leave for the night, we forget all of the horror stories and seemingly over cautious rules we once learned. I would hear about girls who had gotten too drunk and guys would have sex with them. I would hear the occasional story of a girl believing she had been drugged. I would find my self disgusted and then forget by the end of the day.
During my sophomore year of college I worked for the university newspaper. Like all students, we had the ability to access all police reports for the week and we adamantly referred to them for stories. Upon taking time to review the reports over a few months, I found myself shocked. There would be an acquaintance rape or assault charge and we would promptly find out the female had dropped the charges. This became a regular occurrence. A young woman we knew of had engaged in consensual activity with a man who would not stop when she rejected his attempt at sex. She refused to reach out because she believed it would not be considered rape and she was afraid of the reaction of her peers. I suddenly realized how large the issue had become and how we were very seriously overlooking the problem.
During that year I had also begun to read work by Jessica Valenti, a popular speaker and writer in the modern feminist movement. While reading her book, The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession With Virginity Is Hurting Young Women, she pointed out a disturbing concept on rape; we are teaching women not to drink too much and not to dress too revealingly when we should be teaching men it is simply not ok to rape women. I realized, it is unfair to teach women they should not be doing whatever they please, as men do, when we should be simply raising moral standard and expectations for character. Sadly, despite the revelation and insight Valenti left me with, until society changes its aim on sexual assault prevention, sexual assault is inevitable. We have to start by raising our expectations for the men in our lives. This brings me to the third point: we need to start teaching how to handle assault.
As children, we were taught what to do if someone tries to kidnap us and in general, we are taught the same things for sexual assault. What we were never taught is what to do if it actually happens. It seems like common knowledge to run to police or the hospital but it seems that it is not that easy anymore. While looking at the evidence and statistics in Valenti’s book, I realized that women are not educated on the hospital policies on rape reports, locations of rape crisis centers, and disturbingly, the frequent misunderstandings on what constitutes as sexual assault.
Women frequently fail to realize that anything that goes on past “stop,” “no,” or anything along those lines is assault. They forget that just because alcohol is involved does not mean it is not rape. They do not realize that any forced sexual contact is assault, even if previous contact or acts were consensual. Women forget that it does not take a stranger and extreme force to define sexual assault.
College women who are assaulted often fear involving parents. They don’t know where a crisis center is. They are not sure if their situation is rape. As new kinds of rape are being defined, law enforcement does not always encourage women to take action in cases. Essentially, women have no idea where to turn.
We need to start realizing, sooner than later, that rape is actually happening. We learn about it and we talk about it, but it seems that when it is in a newspaper we only gossip about it. It is not until we or someone we know becomes a victim that we begin thinking about the issue. The issue is so much larger than we think and we are failing to take it seriously.
What is disturbing is that the expectation is to improve our behavior, not to improve moral and character standards. Until more people become informed and focus changes, we have to deal with the issue of sexual assault. We can start by raising the bar of what we expect of all men in our lives. As long as we condone behavior or put blame on other women, we are only furthering the problem.
As long as rape is happening, we need to make sure all women, our own ages, older and younger, know what to do if it happens. Rape crisis centers are trained to treat medical, psychological, and legal needs of victims and can be located through RAINN, or Rape, Abuse, and Incest Network. We need to make sure women are informed to make the right legal decisions and seek the help they need.
Sexual assault may not have affected you directly but that should not be what it get you involved. It is something many college women are dealing with and collectively we need to work together to help each other. I am tired of reading disturbing articles or prevention guidelines. I am tired of women losing control of their bodies and lives. I do not want to hear about women hiding out of fear or doubt. I am tired of hearing about girls who are wrongly convinced they are not victims or they simply have no idea where to go.
We need to work together to finally acknowledge the issue, to change society’s aim at rape prevention by raising our standards for men in our lives, and give women, our peers, the materiel they need to handle the situation if she or a friend finds herself a victim of assault. We will always have to worry about sexual assault if we do not work towards changing the system. If we could stop looking at rape in relation to ourselves and instead, in relation to all women as a whole, we can finally work together to improve the tragic situation. As college females we face many challenges when it comes to stopping the issue, but with every informed girl, we can prevent or change the fate of a young woman.
For information on rape crisis centers in your area, go to www.centers.rainn.org
Photo source: www.thesheaf.com