The way young adults go about dating has evolved a ton over the last 10, even 5 years. There’s online dating websites, mixers, and apps for all your dating needs. Now, I am super down with this and think it’s great; especially if you are a work-a-holic/married-to-your-major type of person but still want a little loving. However, my only issue with this new age of dating is that I have noticed that the “old fashioned” way of it is almost being shamed. I don’t know if “shamed” is even the right word, but it is definitely not as easily accepted.
Let me just say that I am a very forward thinking person, yet I prefer to go about dating the old fashioned way. When I say old fashioned, I mean that I want to become friends first, and then hopefully have things turn into a (pause for dramatic effect) courtship. OH NO I DI’INT. Yep, I said it. I said the C word.
Now, I am sure you are picturing this prim and proper lady similar to one from the Duggar Family. I am not quite that traditional. I just like the idea of building a solid foundation for a relationship based upon friendship. All the experts say you should marry your best friend. I guess I am just saying that I am a fan of taking things slow. However, I also frequently say “let go, and let God.” So, if things go differently, then I will go with it. I have just always liked the idea of marrying my best friend, so why not start with being friends?
Most of my friends date in the “normal” way. This is when you find a guy you like and you try to instantly go for it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. My only problem is when I talk to them about guys I like, their replies just do not match up to my view of dating. It’s always something like, “times are changing, and you just have to go up to the guy and ask him out on a date.” Combined with my complete bashfulness and traditional dating views, this is definitely a dilemma of mine. I am all for flirting with a guy and giving him hints that you are into him. And ladies, guys go after what they want 99% of the time. Thus, if you give the right hints and everything, they will get the idea. Then, if they are interested they will usually act on it. Unless they are socially awkward too…
Then comes my next problem: I cannot flirt to save my life. I just can’t. I LITERALLY CAN’T EVEN. This leads me to ask my friends, again, how to flirt. Let me just say that this is the dumbest question to ask anyone because after thorough investigation, I have realized that everyone says the same exact thing: “Just wink at them.”
LIES. YOU. TELL.
Winking is what my dad does to me as a form of saying he is proud of me, or what my best friend will do when she is trying to be obviously sarcastic. When you wink outside of either of these contexts it comes off as strait up creepy. Think about the last time you winked at someone that wasn’t a good friend or family member. Did it end well? Did you feel awkward after? Did you use the “oh yea I have an eye twitch” excuse? Yea, that’s what I thought. So, you expect me to do this dastardly deed to a super mega babe I am trying to allure? Now way, boo boo. I am already flirtaciously handicapped, and do not need anything that will make me more of an awkward human being.
Also, for those of you who are extremely shy, “playing hard to get” just gives us permission to go about being completely bashful and doing nothing. So, that doesn’t really count as good advice.
Then we get the late night, binge eating, “Gossip Girl” watching girl-nights and we all know what goes down at those. Eventually everyone starts to talk about (hair flip) boysss. Now, I am very comfortable being myself and being single, however, every single human on this planet (aside from monks, of course) has had the “I wish had a boyfriend” or “I wish I were dating ____.” Don’t act like you haven’t. Whenever I go on that tangent, everyone always tells me the same thing. It’s always the idea of, again, immediately jumping into things. When I go on this soapbox rant, people have to understand that I am still a woman of my values. I still want to go about dating the same way that I do. You go about dating your way while you shove cupcakes down your throat and I will go about mine while I finish of the taco dip.
I am by no means trying to come off as haughty or superior to people who date differently than I do. I’m trying to say that if you think the same way I do, it is completely okay. Don’t feel like you need to conform or adjust what you feel comfortable with just because others are. Also, just because I am not going about getting to know guys the same way you do does not mean that I will not find love. That is biggest lie.
All I am trying to get across is that traditional dating is not dead and those of us who still believe that way should not feel ashamed or pressured to go about dating otherwise. Just like we shouldn’t go around “slut-shaming,” we shouldn’t go around trying to change people’s dating habit. Whether you are a young lady who likes to date around or not, I hope you can sympathize and maybe even empathize to some level with your peers who think differently than you. You may be surprised with what you learn. We are all just trying to find love here people! Just in different ways.