The tale of two friends finding themselves awkwardly discovering romance is a commonly portrayed theme in movies and books. While My Best Friend’s Wedding and Just Friends offer comically heartwarming stories, they both show very different outcomes. A year ago, when I found myself in the confounding dilemma of having to decide wether or not to date my best friend, I realized that Julia Roberts movies and Nicholas Sparks novels left me ill-prepared for the real-life scenario. I avoided the dating conversation with a simple response: we are too good of friends. Eventually, I began to wonder what being “too good of friends” even meant and if it is even a bad thing.
I met my best friend last year and we went on a few dates. At the time, I wanted to be single and our friendship quickly turned into weekly movie nights with chinese take out. People began to ask us why we weren’t dating and we started wondering the same thing. My defenses went up and I convinced everyone, including myself, that we were simply “too good of friends.” What that meant apparently was that we gave each other dating advice and he had seen me on regular basis without make up. It meant we did everything together and told each other everything.
After making my point that it simply wouldn’t work, I had an epiphany. One night, he was out with a girl and I found myself crazed with jealousy. I inappropriately told the girl that I was his girlfriend and a smile came to his face as he confirmed my statement. I realized that if our only issue was being jealous of each other, the answer was very clear. I had what people were always looking for in a relationship: a friendship. This had been the element missing in past relationships. Now that I knew my “too good of friends” excuse was invalid, I had to decide if risking our friendship was worth it. The decision was not easy to make and the risk was one I had to live with.
Every individual friendship dynamic is unique. If you find yourself really wondering if you are attracted to your best friend, I certainly can not outline the right decision to make. What I can do is tell you what I learned from my experience.
I learned that sometimes being “too good of friends” is not a reasonable excuse. If that is the only argument you have, you need to ask yourself what that means to you and if it might actually be a good quality in a relationship. I also learned that if the only thing to fight about is jealousy, the solution is probably the most obvious one. Finally, I learned that there is always going to be a risk involved in dating your best friend. I know that many people, myself included, worry about a break up ruining an entire friendship. While there is no easy answer for this, I firmly believe that the more you value your friendship and the stronger it is, the less likely you’ll be to let petty issues lead you to a hateful breakup.
It is important to remember that the things that make you “too good of friends” might be the things that make a great relationship. Making the decision to date your best friend takes careful consideration and despite all of the movies, books, and bits of advice, only you can decide what is best for your friendship. It took an entire year, a lot of jealousy, and a considerable amount of thought but in the end, I found my best relationship thus far has been the one I have with my best friend turned boyfriend. If your heart is telling you one thing, it is probably just your head that needs some clarity and you that needs some courage. It is all pretty simple and when it comes to deciding if your best friend is the right one, the best advice comes straight from Julia Roberts in My Best Friend’s Wedding: “It is amazing the clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy.”
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