My friends pick on me all of the time about guys. They have tried to set me up numerous times with people that they know, or a friend of a friend, or a friend’s cousin’s friend… and it never works. They get mad at me because I never find any guy attractive because he doesn’t have the things I’m ‘looking for’. They say that I always find something wrong with the guy before I even give him the chance, which is not a conscious decision! I try to go into everything with an open mind but…I can tell if I’m going to like someone or not within two minutes of talking to them. Not sure if that’s a talent or a curse. BUT, the thing I hate the most that my friends say is, “Carlin, you’re just too picky.”
What does that even mean? I haven’t dated very many people in my 20 (almost 21!) years of life, but I have dated enough to know what I want and don’t want in a guy.
At such a vulnerable age, it’s easy for girls in college to settle. Not only do I know plenty of girls who settle for how their boyfriends treat them, but I also know plenty who settle for boys who have no goals, no work ethic, no manners, and no productive mindset. And these girls are girls that usually possess all of those things. Sooooo…. I don’t get it… what exactly are the ladies gaining from this relationship?
*Disclaimer: This goes for guys too. Some guys settle for girls with the same issues and I wonder why they do it. However, I’m not a guy so I can’t write from a male perspective.*
Anyway.
Why settle for a guy who doesn’t look your father in the eye, call him sir, and shake his hand? Who doesn’t invite you out and want to show you off? Why settle for a guy who has to constantly be reminded to do those ‘little things’ that all of us girls talk about 24/7?
By the way, side note: When girls talk about ‘little things’ we don’t really mean surprising us with flowers or concert tickets. For instance, when I talk about ‘little things,’ I simply mean bringing me a Cookout milkshake (and remembering the kind I like) when you’re already out. I mean remembering that I have a big test that day (seems like every day SOS) and texting me “Good Luck,” or coming over to watch ‘The Bachelor’ with me even though you think it’s a stupid girly show. Like dang…. flowers are a BIG thing in my opinion. Usually all a girl needs is for you to bring Hokkaido takeout one night and watch Ben Higgins break girls’ hearts for two hours. It’s pretty simple. Don’t overthink it.
So really, what does it mean to be too picky? I don’t believe that someone can be too picky. I think being too picky is actually just what we have resorted to in calling someone with really high standards, which is how I was raised, and I’m sure many other collegiettes were too.
I see my brothers who are all great men and great husbands. I watch my Dad continuously do the little things for my Mom even after years and years of marriage. I see all of my best friends boyfriends are WONDERFUL. Are they perfect? No. But having high standards doesn’t mean a girl is looking for someone perfect, it just means that we probably are not going to make compromises for the big issues because we don’t feel the need to. There are billions of guys out there, and just because I can’t find one with the same beliefs and values as me means I should just settle and deal with something I disagree with?
I don’t think so.
And it’s really not even about all of those values and beliefs each individual has. Values and beliefs don’t even come into play until much later in the relationship. In the beginning, it’s about the hobbies, the feelings, the way you say things, the way you act in front of your friends and without your friends, the way you treat your mom and your little sister, how many times you skip class a week… the list goes on. I mean seeing that kind of stuff, and liking or disliking it isn’t being picky, it’s just having the sense to notice it.
My Mom has always told me that you shouldn’t have to teach someone how to love you. If they really love you, then they just freaking love you and they’ll know how to do it.
I mean why have an ordinary love with someone? Maybe in high school that was okay, but you’ve gotta grow up sometime. There are so many things in life that are ordinary and disappointing – love shouldn’t be one of them.
At our age, it is important to go after the men who are goal-oriented, who work hard without people having to ask them to, who help out when they see someone is struggling, who make an effort to be a part of family events. Women need to go after the guys who our little brothers and nephews can look up to, the guys who strive everyday to become better men because they WANT to. These are our future husbands and fathers. Wanting these things and not settling for less is not being too picky – it’s being rational.
So – I’m not gonna lie and say my friends are completely wrong, because they know I love them and they know me better than anyone (besides my Mom of course). They say I pick out flaws and that is true, and many women do this. But has anyone ever heard of post-traumatic relationship disorder?! Like HELLO. Or ‘I-hate-talking-to-boys-I-don’t-know-and-having-to-tell-them-about-my-strange-life- disorder?
But, when my friends say I’m too picky, they’re wrong. If your friends say you’re too picky, they are wrong.
So ladies, get out there in the dating world and shoot down 20 guys if you must. Don’t settle just because he’s a hottie, because if he’s not intelligent then you’re in for a long, hard road ahead. And don’t settle just because he’s smart, because that’s not gonna work out either. If you don’t want to pursue him, don’t. However, if he has nice teeth, send him my way.
Don’t settle for a love that is ordinary.
Sources:
https://www.pinterest.com/haanbryan/sex-and-the-city-quotes/
http://misscm.com/2015/05/22/ladies-should-you-fix-your-mans-plate/bish-…
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/71/72/60/717260cfb66615b7…