Mental health has never been a comfortable topic. In the last decade, we have been fortunate enough to see important advances in how we talk about mental health and how society as a whole views the issue, but the number of people who live with depression is staggering.
According to American College Health Association, in 2011 30 percent of college students reported feeling “so depressed that it was difficult to function.”
My first encounter with depression specifically came my freshman year as someone very close to me struggled with depression. Previously, I had not been confronted with family or friends working through it, and because I had never experienced depression before I had no way of understanding what it felt like to struggle to even get out of bed in the morning. I was concerned though, and it was obvious that having a healthy lifestyle was not achieved by having the right drugs or therapy alone. To get back on your feet, you need a support system and I wanted to help but at first I wasn’t sure how.
I am by no means an expert or a professional licensed to advise those with mental health issues. The university has a vast amount of resources for those seeking help, but even if someone is working with a professional, there are things I have found in my unique experience that could help someone else support a loved one.
Recognizing the difference between sympathy and empathy is a really big deal. Though the words themselves sound very similar, empathy fuels connection, while sympathy fuels disconnection. If someone is in a deep dark hole, sympathy is looking down at them, feeling for them, while empathy is climbing down into that dark spot and feeling with them. Sometimes trying to lighten the mood is an unintentional lack of empathy. Rather than trying to find the silver lining in a situation, when you take the time to see where someone is coming from and care for them, you build a much more meaningful connection.
Another thing I learned was to not underestimate the importance of just lending an open ear. Listening seems like an easy skill, but in reality it is challenging to do without switching into problem solving mode or trying to give advice. Some people may not want to talk, but sometimes just asking about their day can be helpful.
Every person’s feelings and symptoms manifest themselves differently and it’s okay that you don’t understand what they are going through. In my case, asking her questions about how it felt and what she was going through made her feel like I cared, and didn’t invalidate her feelings. It is not helpful to try and justify or explain someone’s feelings as being sad, or compare it to how you felt when your ex left, or your dog died. On the other hand, including them and inviting them to dinner or a group fitness class or offering to help them seek resources could mean the world.
Though it is okay to have bad days, if you are living closely with someone with depression you need to be able to see the difference between a bad day or two and a bad week. If someone is exhibiting risk factors like sleeping too much or not at all, slipping in their studies, crying a lot, withdrawl, or has changes in appetite, you need to let someone know. If you live in a residence hall, your RA is specially trained to help, and if you live in an apartment, contact a family member or consult with the counseling center. If a person seems to be in immediate danger, do not hesitate to call emergency personnel.
We are lucky to be a part of a loving community that affords us so many helpful resources. People care about your health and wellbeing and help is always available.
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