Her Campus Logo Her Campus Logo

I’ve always wondered why my friends come to me for relationship advice when I’ve never been in a relationship – yes, I just exposed myself. The one with absolutely no knowledge of love, is always the first contact my friends go to. Being single has allowed me to grow and mature as a person; I’ve learned more about myself, what I want and what I don’t want. I witnessed all my friends get into relationships, go on their first dates, spend their first Valentine’s day together, and even get those cute couples costumes. I was even there for the breakup calls. 

Every time I feel ready to be in a relationship, it never works out. For a while, I told myself that it was their problem, maybe the guys I met weren’t ready for a relationship, maybe they think I’m intimidating. Then, reality hits, and I came to the realization that I was the problem – that was harsh, but it’s the truth. When things start to work out and a potential budding relationship is in reach, I push away. Not because I lost interest or because I’m trying to deliberately play with someone’s emotions, but because I’m scared. Scared to put my walls down, scared to be vulnerable and open up to someone and trust them with my emotions. Scared to lose them.


Two people holding hands
Photo by Min An from Pexels

The question is why? Why do I push a potential relationship so far that the second I change my mind, it’s too late? I tell myself that I am happy being single, all my friends tell me that I am “a BOSS and I don’t need anyone.” Believe me, I already know that, but I’m tired of watching others find their person and be happy, while I sit and watch from the sidelines. When does the lying stop? When do I start listening to my heart instead of running from it? 

Emotions are a powerful thing, they can hit at the most unwanted times. I’m now listening to my feelings and they couldn’t be more frustrating and ill-timed. I have been trying to fight these feelings for someone that I didn’t realize meant so much to me. I feel like it’s been going back and forth for some time now, I try to push them aside or ignore it completely, but it always comes back stronger. Now, I’m afraid I’ve fought against these feelings for too long that it’s too late, to be honest, and that’s on me.


Pexels

Now that I have completely been honest with myself and you all, take this as some friendly relationship advice – from an expert. Be honest with yourself, be open to your actual emotions and don’t push people away, but also, know when it’s time to lay low and focus that attention inward. It’s okay to be single, it’s okay to have boundaries. Maybe don’t put up titanium walls as I did, but a nice room divider will suffice for now, just until you choose to take that risk. If you’re not truly ready for a relationship, trust me, your emotions will tell you. 

Oh and remember, it’s never really too late.


grayscale photo of old couple holding hands
Photo by Ritika S on Unsplash

Appalachian State senior Communication-Journalism Major with a minor in Apparel and Merchandising
Similar Reads👯‍♀️